Again (Oikawa Tooru X Reader)

16) Never

Sorry this chap is a day late i hated it and had to edit it lol

It's been the longest week of Tooru's entire life. Keeping his distance from you while knowing he isn't going to see you again for a long time has been the hardest thing he's ever done.

He spent a lot of time with his friends, who eventually stopped bringing you up because Tooru would snap at them everytime.

The setter saw it in Iwaizumi's face: the disappointment, the sympathy, the fear for what is to come with you.

He just ignored it, he already made his decision and that was the end of it. He couldn't go back on it now, not after he made everyone swear to secrecy, and his avoidant behavior. He committed to it, and when he committed to things he was all in.

"If you're gonna hit it, hit it 'till it breaks right?" He laughs but there's no humor behind it. He slides the magazine back into its place on the shelf that you organized by date.

He stands up, spinning slowly around to stare at his room.

A deep inhale and exhale later, he pushes open his door and exits.

He said goodbye to his mom and dad when you were out yesterday since Iwa insisted on driving him to the airport.

His flight was in two hours but his best friend said they had to be there as early as possible, so here he was at 3AM, standing outside your door.

He pushes it open, the familiar citrusy scent enveloping him immediately.

God she's beautiful

He never cared about being cringe or corny when it came to you, you had letters upon letters saved in your little shoe box of his cringe worthy words but it didn't matter to him. As long as you knew he loved you.

It was an oversight, he fell too fast and too hard and when he could finally have you he couldn't resist. Ignoring the nag in the back of his mind saying he had to ruin it, his plan to go to Argentina was already set in motion, he couldn't go back on it because of some girl.

Some girl that he absolutely adored in all her weird habits and mannerisms.

He leans down and plants a soft kiss on your forehead, lingering for a moment with his eyes squeezed shut.

"Toor..u?" He resists the urge to jump out of his skin as you mutter his name in your sleep.

He didn't know if he could do this, his resolve was waning at you simply saying his name.

"Shh go back to sleep baby, it's okay." He brushes your hair back and then slides his hand to cup your face with his hand.

"I'm sorry, for whatever I did." You murmur, sitting up slightly.

His heart clenches and he looks
up at the ceiling, squeezing his eyes shut. "You didn't do anything love—it's me, I've been selfish." You melt into his arms, eyes still mostly shut. "You're never selfish." You mumble into his sweatshirt, pressing your cheek against his chest.

"Oh I have been, I can try to pretend that I'm being selfless, that I don't want to hold you back, but that's just not the truth." He murmurs, stroking your hair, "I'm terrified of telling you, that's why I'm doing it now.." He leans down and kisses your forehead again, "When you're asleep."

He gently lays you down again, easing your hold off of him. "I love you Y/N, I hope you can forgive me."

Because I'll never forgive myself

He shuts the door to your room, leaning against it and fighting the urges in his heart until he gets a text from Iwa saying he's outside.

With one last glance back at your door, he leaves his childhood home,
he leaves his parents, and he leaves you.

"Hold me, console me, and then I leave without a trace."
—
"Come on don't leave me, it can't be that easy babe."