I Want to Forget

Chapter 15

I cover my face, ashamed of what I was thinking. To be more specific, what I was thinking since the night at the carnival. Kobe. He hasn't left the thoughts in my brain.  When you think you are over someone, you turn around and realize it isn't over yet.  The feelings are still there, but you are denying their very existence.  Just when I thought I was over Kobe and falling for someone else, I realize that I wasn't over Kobe.  It will take longer than a whole summer and a few months at school to get over someone as special as Kobe.  I bet if I would have  seen Toby after he had left and had a legit conversation with him, I would have recovered those lost feelings.  But I never did, instead I let myself forget why I liked him, I let myself only remember the bad parts of him.  Maybe that is why I was so scared to see him again.  I thought I would recover those feelings and create an even bigger mess.  But that never happened, I don't have feelings for him.  However, I now have feelings for Kobe.  In fact, I don't even care about Eric anymore, I don't know what I saw in him.  Kobe was the one I really liked.  I look in the mirror once again, making sure my eyes were no longer puffy.  I walk out of the bathroom.  As I walk out I hear familiar voices.

"Dude you like her?" The one voice asks surprised.

"I don't know, but whenever I see her my heart skips a beat, and I just want to be with her all the time," another voice said.  I creep over to the sound of the voices, wondering why they were so familiar sounding.  I peek around a corner and see Toby and Bryce talking.

"Well are you going to tell her?" Bryce asks.

"I don't know....should I?" Toby asks.

"I don't know dude...."

"We are friends and I don't want to ruin that.."

"You can't just keep your feelings in....it's unhealthy."

"I know....I'm struggling to keep it in....but when I see her...I can't breath."  Toby tells him.  Who was he talking about?  Was it Jackie?  Maybe Lina?  I don't know....

"Dude you might have to tell someone else about this mushy stuff that you are talking about."

"Why?"

"Well it is just weird...."

"Why is it weird? You two are both friends."

"I know but...come on....it is Paris you are talking about!  I can't find her attractive at all," Bryce confesses.  My eyes widen.  What?  Paris....Toby likes...Paris? Wait!! I'm Paris!  Toby likes me!  A little late don't you think? Also...seriously Bryce! That is a little hurtful!(however I would totally say the same thing about him)How will I ever look Toby in the eye again? This is so weird. Ok..what if I forget this ever happened? Yeah it will totally go away. I will forget everything that just happened.

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"I can't forget....I will never let this go," I say.

"Paris it isn't a big deal," Samantha replies. I was sitting in my bedroom that evening. I haven't told any of my other friends about Toby, and I have been completely avoiding him. I couldn't take it.

"Also how bad is it if he does like you? It will definitely get your mind off of Kobe."

"Samantha you don't understand. What Toby did to me was horrible."

"But you forgave him."

"I know but...I don't think I can look at him romantically again....I don't want to get hurt."

"Sometimes Paris, you have to take a chance. Sure it isn't always the smartest thing to do, but sometimes taking risks gives you something in return."