the heart wants what it wants

Loves and losses

James: "...Well I guess I should go."

Just as James got up to go I grabbed him and turned him around. I held him close to me, wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. I pulled back and said..

Me: "I forgive you."

James then grabbed my waist and pulled me back in for another kiss. Then we pulled back and James said...

James: "I should go. I'm in town for another two days. I'll talk to you tomorrow. "

He left with a smile on his face. I walked back upstairs and sat down on my bed and got on my tablet. A few hours later I got another knock at the door. I ran downstairs and opened the door. 

I wasn't really surprised though. He came with roses in his hand and a sad look on his face. 

Max: "I am so sorry."

He handed me the roses and I took them.

Me: "I've already gotten enough roses today."

He made a puzzled look, but I didn't want to go through the trouble explaining.

I set the flowers on the kitchen table. He stepped inside and we sat down on the couch. 

Me: "What do you want?"

Max: "I'm sorry."

Me: "I know you are. I forgive you. I'm just not gonna date you anymore."

Max: "Please. I will change."

Me: "No, I deserve better than someone who is a shamed of me."

Max: "I didn't mean you look like a boy."

Me: "Than why did you say it?"

Max suddenly got really quiet. 

Me: "I think you should go."

Max: "Okay. I'm always here if you need anything."

Me: "Thanks."

I walked him to the door and closed it behind him. I ran back upstairs for the third time. I got my guitar out and started singing a song that James once sang to me. 

I started singing and strumming the tune to Marry Me By: Jason Derulo. 

I finished up the song and suddenly got really tired. I put my guitar up back where it was and then fell on my bed and fell asleep.

I was walking through the alley way and heard a noise. Then I saw a shadow. Then another and another. I started getting worried and started walking even quicker. Then the noises started getting faster and faster every time I walked faster. I turned around and nothing was there. Then I turned back around and there was a man in front of me. I turned again there was another man. Then 2 more men started walking towards me. The first one grabbed me by the sides of my arms. The second one grabbed me by my legs. They lifted me up and I was about 7 inches off the ground. The other men had something in there hands but I couldn't really see because it was dark, but once I got closer I saw it was two bricks a bag and rope. They tied me up and put the bag over my head. It was hard for me to breath. My heart was racing and I started squirming. We walked a few feet and then  I heard some water. They put me on a boat and then we started moving. It took us about 30 minutes to get where they wanted to go. They tied the bricks to me, then they sat me on the edge of the boat and tossed me over. I sank to the bottom of the lake or river and my lungs started collapsing, slowly loosing oxygen and filling with water. 

Then I woke up. I sat up sweaty and startled. It was just a nightmare I told myself. 

I checked my phone. No messages. It was about 5:30 P.M. 

I walked downstairs to the kitchen and found Mark. I thought I should say I'm sorry for saying what I said the other day. I pulled up a chair at the counter. He was reading something the book looked familiar to me, but I couldn't tell what book. When he saw me he suddenly got nervous, closed the book he was reading, and put it under his leg. Maybe it was the Play Boy magazine dad reads when mom isn't home. 

I sat next to him and started talking.

Me: "Listen Mark I am so sorry that I yelled at you. I just want you to respect my privacy."

Mark: "It's okay your right I should respect your privacy. I'm gonna go to my room."

Mark started walking funny with the book behind his back, trying to keep me from seeing it. 

Me: "Are you reading dad's Play Boys? If you are just tell me, I won't tell dad."

Mark just tried running away but I grabbed him before he could get far. I tackled him to the ground and grabbed the book from him. It felt familiar, when I got a good look at it I realized it was my missing diary that I lost two weeks ago. 

Me: "Where did you get this?"

Mark: "I went into your room and got it."

Me: "Wait you went into my room? I told you not to go in there."

Mark: "Yeah but you never tell me anything and are always off with your boyfriend James. I just wanted to know whats going on in your life."

Me: "You wanna know whats going on? James and I broke up, happy now? Just stay out of my stuff!"

Mark was silent. I let him up and ran up to my room. I got my motorcycle keys and ran down to the garage. I got out my motorcycle and rode to Cameron's house. 

I asked him if he wanted to go to the Trinity. He agreed and we rode our motorcycles to the Trinity. 

The thing I didn't notice was when he made a call to two people. Both voices sounded familiar, I just didn't know who it was. I didn't really care though.

We rode to the Trinity and there were people there. I didn't know who because I was far away. It was a boy and a girl. The boy was tall and the girl was about 5 foot 3 like Janet. 

We got closer and closer and I noticed it was Janet and Max.

I knew this would happen. I knew she would try and do this. That little piece of Sugar. Honey. Ice. Tea.

And Max? Really? I hate those to mother fuggers.