Consumed By Love (on hold)

Chapter 11>>>

I want him to come here and get me without hesitation or contemplation. I want him to run as fast as he can, and when he gets here I never want him to leave. -ejc

Shai's POV
I had to go. I didn't want to, but I had to. I don't know what I'm doing, what I'm doing with a man so many years above me and my teacher.

It's not that I didn't want what we shortly had, but I just don't know how it would work. And I don't want to remember that I could've been the one to prevent heartbreak in the end.

I'm in a state right now of confusion, and vulnerability. I can't let a man I think that I like get to me and then not be able to get rid of.

I'm on my way to the hospital right now. I took a flight back to California, and I need to visit my brother. He was in a car accident a few days ago and now in a coma. Slim chance of making it, so I have to go to say good bye.

Riding on my way to the hospital I can't help but feel somewhat guilty. I know that he had deep feelings for me. The way he spoke to me, the way that he looked at me. And I led him on, not knowing what my heart or mind was truly thinking. I know that I feel something, but I need to figure out what that something is.

I get to the hospital and get out in a rush. It's about five in the evening, and the sun's just now starting to go down.

"Tanner Woodley?" I ask the woman at the front desk. She's young, twenties maybe. Red hair that shimmers in the light and her eyes are a light brown- which makes me think of him.

"Room 12C." She tells me with a smile- filled of pity. I thank her and go to the elevators. I get on and there's a man with a sling on his left arm and a woman trying to hold back tears.

There's a beep and I see it's my floor. I get off and head to his room. I stop by the waiting room and see my mother there. "Mom." I say and she looks up. Her eyes show such pain and sadness.

"Oh Shai!" She says and hugs me. "How is he?" I ask. "This week, they think." My mother says hardly meeting my eyes. I know how hard this is for her, it's her only son and her youngest as well.

"Am I allowed in?" I ask her, and she nods. "Of course." She tells me and I walk to his room. Opening the door slowly, and closing it quietly behind me. I see him laying peacefully on the bed, scratches on his face and his left arm wrapped up. He doesn't look as bad as I thought he would, but the fact that he may never wake up worsens it.

"Hey tanner." I whisper, bringing a chair up to his bedside. I grasp his right hand that isn't bandaged. "I don't know if you can hear me, but it's Shailene. I'm here, for you." I tell him and know that tears aren't far behind.

"I don't want you to leave. You can't leave. You still have mom, and me. You still have your whole life ahead of you." I say as a single tear makes it's way down my cheek.

"And I'd miss you too much." I say and that single tear turns to a sob. I rest my head on my arm, that still holds his hand.

I don't know how long I spend sobbing, till I finally collect myself. Honestly afraid that all my tears had run dry. I brush my thumb over his cheek, as if my touch could wake him up.

"I'm not going to leave you, even if you go. I'll always be there for you." I tell him, not even caring if he can hear me or not. It's more for my sake than his, the words I say letting my heart know it's okay.

>>>
I wake up and my neck aches from sleeping in the uncomfortable chair. I'm still in tanner's room, and see that it's already the next morning.

I see a note on the desk by the door, so I pick it up. It's from my mom saying that she didn't want to wake me and that she went home for a few hours of sleep. Which I understand completely.

I go back over to the bedside and stare at my brother for a moment. Seeing all that's ahead of him... vanishing. I don't want that for him, but now it's all up to him. He can decide the rest of his life with a single choice.

It makes me think of Mr. James's class, when we discussed our destinies and fate's. Which unfortunately makes my guilt come back and my heart yearn for him once more. I close my eyes trying to block out everything that's happening. It seems like one thing after another. With pain, grief, and guilt piling up.

I reopen my eyes and kiss my brother's forehead softly, smiling at how happy he looks. It's almost hard to imagine how that could be enjoyable but it actually seems like it could be. The world canceled around you, with no hardships to face. No heartaches, or sufferings.

The door clicks open making me turn my head to see who it is. I stand to walk over there, but when I see the person step in, I stop instantly. My eyes widen at the sight, and my mouth gaping.

"Theo.."