Autumn is a second spring

122. Giving up 2.0

Kao's irritation flared at the words. "Stop with this nonsense, Boun. You are crestfallen, and I can see why, but don't talk like giving up is the solution."

Boun's gaze dropped to his lap, voice quiet. "I... I have tried, Phi. I really have."

Kao leaned forward, taking a deep breath to calm his own rising frustration before speaking. "You would regret it if you gave up now. I am saying this from experience."

Boun looked up at him, tired and wary.

"Back when I was dating Earth, Shelly suddenly appeared, pregnant with Art. Everyone wanted me to marry her, take responsibility, and I had no choice but to agree when Earth brought up the break up. Earth was just seventeen. I didn't want to drag him through that mess. So, I agreed to split ways," Kao admitted, his voice catching slightly. "But every day since, I regretted that decision. Not because it was wrong — it was the only choice at the time — but because the pain of missing him was horrifying. I don't want you to go through the same pain."

Boun's lips trembled, but he remained silent.

"Prem is angry, disappointed," Kao said gently, "but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. All you need is to talk, Boun. Work through this. Like Earth and I — we talked. We didn't give up on each other because of a fight or misunderstandings."

Boun shook his head slowly. "It's not the same, Phi. Prem... he said he doesn't love me anymore. And judging by how distant he has been since he woke up, I know he meant it. I can't force him to stay. I won't manipulate him. I... I regret what I did in the past, forcing him into things he didn't want. I swore I would never make that mistake again. Whatever he wants, that's what he gets."

Kao was momentarily speechless, unsure how to pierce the wall of resignation surrounding his brother. He could see the pain etched into Boun's every line, the grief for a love he had tried so hard to protect.

"Phi, weren't you the one who said that you would support Prem if he wanted to end things with me?" Boun's face had a sad smile decorating it as he asked the question. " You too thought that I wasn't good enough for him. What happened to you now? Why a sudden change of heart?"

Kao felt ashamed. "I didn't actually mean it, Boun. I just wanted to give you a push back then."

The smile turned bitter as Boun spoke again. "You don't have to lie, Phi. I know that just like everyone else, you too thought that there was something going on between James."

"We just thought that you were just too close to James, Boun. We just wanted you to draw lines with your secretary."

"Why is it only applicable to me, Phi? You bring P' Sound home too. You take care of P' Sound too. P' Sound sticks to your side for almost every time, even during your trips abroad. Why is it okay for you to be close to your secretary, but why not me?" 

Kao couldn't speak. Just as Boun had pointed out, he and Sound were close on a personal level as much as professional level.

Boun sighed. "I am not blaming anyone or playing the victim, Phi. But it really makes me feel like shit when every single person around me is out to scrutinize my actions. I know that the whole fake proposal idea was stupid. But it didn't mean anything to me. It had been similar to me getting on my knees to tie my shoelaces. Me, getting on my knees in front of someone wouldn't mean anything to me unless the person is my Pao."

"Then go explain it to him, god damn it! Just tell him that you just wanted to make him jealous and was just trying to grab his attention!"

Boun chuckled in self-mockery. "What's the point of telling him if he doesn't want to hear? Do you think he will believe me? He already believes that I care for James more than I care for him and no matter how I tried, he wouldn't think otherwise. Prem... he has already made up his mind, Phi. Let's just leave it at that."

No words came out of Kao's lips. He wanted to say something, something that could convince Boun otherwise, but nothing came out.

Boun's hoarse voice was heard again. "I may not have been the best boyfriend, phi. But the last think I would do is cheat on my Pao. He... He is my life, phi. My reason to live... And I ended up hurting him. I can't forgive myself for that. So its better that I let go of him. Set him free from this vicious circle of pain."

Kao could see tears pooling in Boun's eyes. But Boun stubbornly held them back, not letting them fall.

Boun got up from the couch, heavy steps toward the stairs. Kao jumped to his feet. "Where are you going?"

Boun paused on the first step, glancing back at Kao. His eyes were glassy, but his voice was steady. "I am going to take care of Prem."

Kao's brow furrowed. 

"I know he doesn't want to see me now. But now he is probably asleep." Boun inhaled deeply. "He is weak and was still running a high fever. I caused it. If it weren't for me he wouldn't have gotten drenched in rain and caught fever.  I can't leave him like this. I want nurse him. Please... don't tell him I am here. He would be uncomfortable if he knew."

Kao nodded, swallowing hard. "You really think this is... the right way?"

Boun's lips pressed into a thin line. "It's the only way I know how to show I love him without forcing anything. I will do this quietly. Just... please, keep it between us."

Kao placed a hand on Boun's shoulder, squeezing it firmly. "You are stubborn, you know that? But... I understand."

Boun offered a small, sad smile before continuing up the stairs, disappearing from view. Kao sank back onto the couch, exhaling slowly. He could feel the tension in the room, the weight of unspoken fears and past mistakes pressing down. He hoped, more than anything, that Prem and Boun could find their way back to each other — and that his brother wouldn't be consumed by resignation before giving love a chance to heal.

Kao stayed on the couch for a moment, his mind spinning. He could still hear Boun's words echoing, heavy with self-reproach and resignation. He pressed his palms to his face, trying to make sense of it all. His brother had given so much of himself for Prem — supporting his career, taking care of his parents, sacrificing his own comfort and happiness — yet here he was, standing at the edge of giving up. Kao's heart ached.

And in that quiet, tense moment, Kao understood the power of love — messy, complicated, exhausting, but worth every battle.