Falling For The Mob

65 Finally

Zoë

I stare at her, bewildered, what else can I possibly do? What can I possibly say that won't make her issues worse?

A long moment passes in silence as she stares at me, begging me with her eyes for an answer. I can tell that her mind is spinning into a dark place the more time passes.

Here I stand in front of a broken woman, someone who can only bring trouble into my life. Someone who doesn't know how to deal with her own emotions. A killer, a brute, someone who struggles every day not to try solving her problems with violence.

She looks like she is about to cry, but her rapid blinking removes her tears before they exist. I've never seen Sam cry, and if I believe Addy, she hasn't since she was sent away for schooling. But tears wouldn't have emphasized the clear pain and fear. This is how she truly feels about herself.

"You have done some horrible things in your past, but you're also kind and caring. You're loyal, protective, and you try to help those who can't do that for themselves. You are complicated and broken, and quite often, you are a stubborn pain in my ass, but you're not a monster, Sam."

She releases a sigh as if she needed my confirmation. I've told her so many times that she isn't a monster, but this is the first time I've said it knowing everything.

A smile begins tugging at her lips. But I stop her. "Me saying this shouldn't change anything, Sam. My words shouldn't be the determining factor to convince you. You still have that image of yourself, and it's not my job to get rid of it, it's your own. This is way too much power that you are giving away. I don't want to be your salvation. I can't be the reason you forgive yourself."

She sways, her grip on me tightening, but her smile doesn't waver. "But if there is anyone I can trust with my redemption, it's you, Dr. DeLuca."

I shake my head as that adorable, insecure little grin of hers comes out. What am I ever going to do with this woman? Even now, she is being stubborn.

I sigh, pulling her into my chest. Immediately she grabs on tight, her face burying in my neck, and she takes a deep breath.

She will be the death of me, and there is no denying that it is best for me to stay away from her, but here I am, holding her as if my life depends on it. I chose to be here, and even if she is a mess of a person, she is my mess. I know that now.

As I step out of her arms, I can feel her hesitation, but she doesn't push. I lean my forehead against hers, watching as she searches my eyes.

"I understand if you must be leaving, but is there any way I can persuade you to stay longer? I swear not to touch you, I just..."

She trails off, causing me to laugh at her nervousness. "I need you to promise me that you'll find a way to forgive yourself, Sam. I can't do that for you."

Eagerly, she nods her head, still holding my gaze, waiting for an answer.

"You need to become better at controlling your impulses. And you need to communicate more."

"Yes." She quickly states then silently waits for me to continue.

"Ask me why I'm here, Sam."

She frowns just a bit, I think she is slowly catching on. "I've tried asking you twice, Love. I know better than to pressure you into something you are not ready for."

I shake my head. "Since when does Sam Claymore take no for an answer?"

"Why are you here?" she quickly asks. Her voice chokes near the end as she tries holding herself together.