Heart Songs Presents: All or Nothing at All

If I Let You Go.....

Quote of the Chapter: "Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so."

                                                                                       ---David Grayson

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Jenny was struck silent by Brian’s out of the blue question. That was the least thing that she expected to hear from his mouth. She wasn’t prepared at all so the only word that came out of her mouth was,

                “……Huh?” she mumbled, staring at him as if he was an alien from Jupiter.

Brian chuckled weakly, and then suddenly grabbed his chest from the intense pain that took over his body.

Jenny reacted quickly from her frozen state when she saw Brian started convulsing and went to his side, worry and concern filling her eyes,

                “Are you okay?” She asked, putting her hand over his on his chest. She tried to stop the violent coughing.

The pain was almost unbearable if not with Jenny’s hand, which for unknown reason soothed the pain even for a little bit. Every part of him was hurting and the unstoppable cough made it worse. He felt like hell. After a while, he calmed down.

                “Do you want water? Or Do you want me to call them?” she said, turning around and not waiting for his reply.

But before she can take a step forward, a hand grabbed her wrist, pulling and stopping her from going.

                “Don’t waste your time. There’s nothing they can do. Just stay here and let’s talk” Brian said, smiling weakly at her.

She couldn’t do anything but just looked at him again even though what he just said didn’t make sense to her,

                “Are you okay?” Brian asked, reaching and taking her hands once more.

                “You jerk! You’re the one who was coughing his lungs out not a while ago and then you’re gonna ask me if I’m okay?” she retorted, frowning at him.

Brian chuckled again but once more, the excruciating pain accompanied by the violent coughing followed it. Jenny leaned to him and touched his chest.

He slowly calmed slowly calmed down and the coughing stopped. He then looked at her hand, which was still covering his. He felt one by one, drops of water fell in his face. He stared up, frowning with bewilderment and trying to find where the source of the warm water was coming from. And when he did, he understood then and the only thing he could do was smile sadly once more,

                “It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay” He encouraged.

                “I’m-I’m,…. I’m sorry for all of this Brian. I know I’m useless and worthless and I can’t do anything right---“she said between gulp of breaths, tears still streaming down her face.

                “Don’t ever say that” Brian started violently, “Look at me” he said, reaching out to touch her and wipe the tears out of her face, “Look at me” he repeated. This time, Jenny slowly opened her eyes and lifted her head to look at him. “You’re perfect just the way you are. This––” he said, talking about his current state, “This is not your fault. I chose this. This is my own goddamn decision so you should stop blaming yourself for what happened”