Nodoka and The Inevitable | ohshc

nodoka's pieces

A L I V E
AND
N O N E X I S T E N T

☁  

BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE

Only take what you need

And never from greed

Don't take it all

Leave me bits – huge or small

Don't make me a fool

Spare my heart and leave it whole

THE SUN

 Her hair was a striking mix of red and orange for a reason. Her eyes were a pretty light brown for a reason. Her skin was a golden tan for a reason. She was all different shades of red and orange because she is the sun and she looks like the sun for a reason.

 Because to him, she is the epitome of the sun. Whose eyes never failed to display a golden glimmer. Whose personality resembled the sun's rays engulfing him in an endless stupor of euphoria, whose glow made him feel like he himself was set alight, whose warmth made him feel safe, sure and secure. 

 And like the sun's resolved glare on hot summer days, she was intense and feverish. A very evident quality of hers that no one dare overlooked. Like the sun, she was always there no matter what angle the world has spun to. It could be cloudy, it could be rainy but that didn't matter – she's there. Always.

 He was the planet to her sun that needed her light in order to grow, to bloom, to live. He needed her constant reassurance that he's going the right track, that he's not going to fail anytime soon. And even if he does, she will still shine on him with a bold, unwavering, coruscating light that will inspire him and put him back to his feet.

 Like the sun's distance from flowers blooming within Earth, he thought high and mighty of her. To him, she was the highest form of life to ever exist. That if her existence never came to be, so would his.

 If only he really saw her like that.

 But he doesn't.

 Because she is contaminated air. Moving, passing, nothing – polluted. And when the air is no longer fresh but stale and arid, a flower could only cease to blossom.

WISTFUL THINKING 

Oh, how splendid it would be

If love circulated between you and me

UNLESS

 "It's quite a disadvantage." I said.

 "Not if you make it out to be." You stated, voice firm and unyielding.

 And it made so much sense.

 A person would never see themselves as a beautiful, breathtaking being unless they think they are. A person would never think they're good enough unless they're confident enough to think so. A person would never get affected with the insults directed at them unless they let the words eat them alive.

 But in retrospect, do you think that I would've loved you unless I thought I did? 

CERTAINTY

Everything else was uncertain. But to her, all that mattered was that one moment where they all laid down together, becoming one with nature, spotting different constellations and forgetting that tomorrow exists and maybe all that matters is the now where fixation can be made possible. For once, she was certain.

BLEEDING

You left me out to die. I'm still bleeding and there's no one who can cover that up. Neither can I regain the amount of blood I'd lost. You took up too much of what made me whole. But I'm glad that I'm not literally bleeding blood. I'm just bleeding feelings and thoughts of what should've beens and what if we didn'ts. Yet as far as it is from the crimson red fluid that is blood, it's still very painful. And as I bleed with pain, I bleed with memories and thoughts of you.

TEMPORARY

They say everything comes to an end. No matter what it will be. No matter how strong it will be – it will come to an end. Will we? That is my only fear. I am not certain about our future or if the stars were aligned for the both of us. But one thing's for sure – I will do all it takes to make it last. I know it's not going to be forever, in fact, it's temporary. But I swear that it'll be the greatest temporary the world has ever seen, and the greatest temporary you'd ever have the privilege of experiencing.

YOUR DEATH

There was only so much he could take. This wasn't one of them.

WHEN EVERYTHING'S GONE

He never realized what he lost. Not until now, at least.

He was defeated by the one person he least expected himself to lose against, and the one person he was expecting to be there for him was no longer there.

She wasn't around.

He wanted to go after her – he did. But the moment he got there, the moment she set foot on her lawn, he realized how dull and empty her house looked. Her home that always brought warmth and life and love in his chest, in contrast to the bleak and lonely walls of his castle.

But no one lived there anymore.

She was gone.

For a long time, he had craved her: her scent, her touch, her voice, her warmth, her love.

But now, she was gone and she had to take it all away with her.

SLEEP BINDS THEM

She's mumbling things in her sleep that barely made any sense. It was a conglomerate of things left unsaid, things that no one got the damn about, things that one, too many people would never understand. He, too, couldn't grasp the meaning of her words but he listens to them anyway and he'll never tell her the day after because this was the closest he got to knowing her. And she liked keeping him from a distance. A distance he is willing to enclose but she is never willing to give up.

COMPLETION

I want to be part of something that will make me whole again.

Pathetic. Like I was whole to begin with.

☁ 

I greatly apologize for this terrible excuse of a chapter. I'm not really good with this whole thing. Anyway, I wanted you guys to get a peek of what Nodoka writes in that blue journal of hers before it became a chatbox for her and Kyouya. Hope you liked it.