Last A Lifetime

CHAPTER 20 - "HOPE"

CHAPTER 20 - "HOPE"

I am so stupid! I thought iba siya. I thought he likes me. I thought we have a chance. I thought he thought I have changed, that I wasn't the person everyone thinks I am. But boy was I wrong!

Alam ko na tanga na ako dahil kahit masakit na yung ginawa niya sa akin, I still hoped that he would chase after me and apologized, but I guess that only happens on movies.

How pathetic can you get Gabby? Hindi ka pa ba nadala sa mga ginawa niya? Kung tutuusin nga, mula simula ganyan na ang tingin niya sa'yo? What's the difference now? -- oh shut up subconcious!

Pathetic na kung pathetic! Maha-- gusto ko si Ken and that's it.

Days and weeks went by, hindi na ulit kami nagkausap ni Ken. I realized tama yung subconcious ko. I have to leave myself some self-respect.

Nagpatuloy parin naman yung buhay ko kahit wala si Ken. I still go to my job every Friday, and I enjoy it. It gives me a break from the bitter reality I am at now.

Madalas na rin kaming nagkakasama ni Nate. He's doing well with his studies already. Isn't it nice? He's back on track. I am happy for him.

Alex, checks on me often, about how I deal with 'our situation' (Ken and me) and with 'my situation' (my illness). I always tell her that I am okay. I always tell people asking that I am okay.

But I am not. Inside I want to scream! I want this things over! I don't want to feel the hurt anymore. Mabuti nalang at nandiyan sina Alex at Nate sa tabi ko. And to my friends who still checks up on me kahit hindi kami masyadong nagkikita. They send me text messages, Jane and Zari texted me yesterday. Then Maui, Erin and I bumped in each other the other day. We are all busy. We are planning a get together soon.

These things take my mind off for a while about 'him'. Masakit man pero kailangan kong harapin.

I am actually doing a good job with my studies now. But still you can't get rid of the 'party-girl' inside. I still go to the club with friends, get wasted, hangovers, normal stuff.

My mom is more concerned about me, I don't know why. I mean, she's my mom, she is always concern about me. But this last few days, she's MORE concerned than ever. Mayroon ba siyang dapat sabihin sa akin? It makes me worry too.

And Ken? I haven't heard anything about him. Well, I don't want to listen anyway. But I can't help getting gossip from my classmates. Stuff like him and Isabella are dating, stuff like that. I saw myself getting hurt. Pero ano pa ba ang magagawa ko? Maybe he has moved on. Maybe he doesn't like me at all. Since I am a sl*t nga daw diba?

Besides from being a sl*t, I am also a pathetic loser, dahil kahit hanggang ngayon. Umaasa parin ako. I still want him.

I miss him, so much.