Last A Lifetime

CHAPTER 26 - "IF I WOULD"

CHAPTER 26 - "IF I WOULD"

“Good evening everyone. As you all know, this session is my diary, it’s my different way of expressing my thoughts, feelings and myself. I hope you enjoy your night.” I saw my mom on the table which I reserved. I also saw Ken at the standing at the bar. My friends on the rightside and Nate near the door.

Before I started, I watched each of them. A huge possibility that I will leave these people I love soon. I don’t want that. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and let it out. And the music started playing.

“This song is dedicated to everyone that I love. And for my mom who is here now.” She smiled at me.

“If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a, bed of roses

Sink me in the river, at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother

She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh,

And life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no

Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom

I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,

I've never known the lovin' of a man

But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,

There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,

Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well,

I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls

What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar

They're worth so much more after I'm a goner

And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'

Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)

The ballad of a dove (oh, uh)

Go with peace and love

Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket

Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls.”

I wanted to cry, pero pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili ko. Even my mom and Alex want to cry. Bumaba na ako ng stage at pumunta sa comfort room.

Doon ako umiyak, I stayed there for about 15 minutes. After that, tumayo ako at inayos ang sarili ko. Lumabas na ako ng banyo and the first person I saw was my mom. She smiled at me, alam ko naman na pinilit niya lang ngumiti. Pupunta na sama ako sa kanya pero sinalubong ako ni Ken.

“Gabby. We need to talk.”

“Not now Ken. I have to talk to my mom.”

“Is there something wrong with you?”

“W-wala, kailangan ko lang makausap mommy ko.”

“Very well then, we can talk later.” I just nodded.

Alam ko kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin. ‘Is there something wrong with you?’, yes Ken. My heart.

Pumunta na ako agad kay mommy kasi pagpinatagal ko pa ang paguusap namin ni Ken for sure, kokonsensyahin ako. I would tell him. And I don’t think this is the right time.

“Mom.” Humarap lang siya sa akin at alam kong gusting-gusto niya nang umiyak. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds and I embraced her. “I’m sorry mom. I love you.” She remained silent pero naririnig kong umiiyak siya ng mahina. Can you blame her Gab?

My subconscious was right. Can I blame my mom for crying? Sinong ina ang hindi iiyak kung mawawala sa kanya ang anak niya? Pero sino din namang anak ang hindi masasaktan at hindi iiyak kung mawala na siya sa mundong ito at maiiwan niya ang kanyang ina na nagiisa? I could not afford to see my mother hurt that much.

But this is how all is going to end. By death. My death.