Last A Lifetime

CHAPTER 27 - "CHOICES"

CHAPTER 27 – “CHOICES”

Christmas is coming.

At least I still got through Christmas. AH! I hate myself! After that check up with my doctor I’ve been a little preoccupied. Well, I have been planning my funeral. Sounds a little bitter? Too much? Can you blame me?

I need to stop acting like this! I am hurting my mother, my friends and especially Ken. I have been cold to him lately. After that night at the bar, hindi nga kami nakapagusap eh. Aaminin ko natatakot ako. Natatakot akong sabihin sa kanya ang totoo. Baka iwanan niya ako. You know he won’t leave you.

Maybe that’s true. He won’t leave me. But I’ll hurt him if he stays. Okay lang sa akin kung ako ang masaktan ‘wag lang si Ken. He’s been so good to me kahit na I am acting like a total b*tch!

***Calling Nate***

“Hello, Nate?”

“About that talk.” I know where this is going.

Yes, niyaya niya nga ako para magusap. As I promised him, pumayag ako. Hinintay ko si Nate sa bahay kasi susunduin niya ako at pupunta kami sa Coffee Shop.

When we arrived tahimik lang kaming dalawa, kahit sa sasakyan walang imikan. After we ordered at dumating na yung coffee namin he started talking.

“Are we still gonna do this small talk or are we gonna go straight to the point, Gabby?” He caught me. I don’t know how to react to him. Alam kong may alam siya.

“Where do you want me to start?” Might as well tell him.

“Where ever you want Gabby.”

“Okay.” I paused. “I have CHD.” He was surprised, I can tell but he didn’t say anything, so I went on. “I have a heart problem.”

“I know what it means Gabby. I’m asking why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why would I?”

“BECAUSE I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND!”

“WAS my boyfriend Nate!” Napatahimik kaming dalawa.

“I’m sorry Gabby. It’s just that I was hurt because you didn’t trust me. Sana hindi kita nasaktan, sana naalagan pa kita.”

Is it all going to change? Would our break up happen if only he knew I was sick? Pero hindi ko siya mahal like I am in love with Ken. Or was I just making an excuse not to love him more dahil alam kong iiwan niya ako or iiwan ko siya. This is so confusing!

“I don’t think anything would change if I told you before.”

“How would you know that, Gabby? Inaamin ko, we are just fooling around before. I believed before that we are together just because we are attracted to each other and other people think that we look good together. But trust me Gabby, when you left me, I realized that it was more than that. I am truly in love with you.”

“Enough about this stuff Nate. You know it’s all too late.”

“Maybe it’s not.”

“What do you mean?”

“Alam kong hindi mo pasinasabi kay Ken ang condition mo.” Napatahimik ako sa sinabi niya. “Bakit hindi mo masabi sa kanya Gab? Hindi mo ba siya pinagkakatiwalaan?”

“Of course I trust him! It’s just that if I tell him the truth, chances are: he’ll go away from me and leave me! You can’t blame me if I couldn’t tell him!”

“Gabby, hindi mo ba naisip na baka iwanan ka niya dahil hindi mo agad sinabi? Nangyari na sa atin to. The same issue, the same problem don’t you think na pareho din ang kalalabasan?”

Tama siya.

“Do you really think I should tell him?”

“You have two options here Gabby. One, tell him and live with whatever the result of your action. Two, leave him.”

“Wait. LEAVE HIM? How does that solve the problem?”

“Easy. He won’t get hurt.”

Tama siya.

Napatahimik ako sa sinabi niya. What should I do? If I tell him now, I am not ready. If I leave him at least he won’t be hurt if I REALLY leaved, right?

“Help me.”

“What’s your choice Gabby?”