Last A Lifetime

CHAPTER 30 - "THE CHASE"

CHAPTER 30 – “THE CHASE”

I have the urge to get out of the car pero I ignored it. Alam ko ang sama kong tao. Pero, sana mainitindihan niya na ang ginagawa ko ay para rin sa kanya. Kaya kong tanggapin na sabihan ako ng lahat naselfish ako or any bad things, tatanggapin ko lahat ng sasabihin nila, hindi ako magagalit. Kaya kong gawin yun para lang hindi masaktan yung mga taong mahal ko.

What are you willing to sacrifice for someone else’ happiness?

-I would give up my life.

Yes, I would, even if it means I am the only one suffering. Isn’t that what love is all about? Sacrificing your own happiness for the one you love?

“Gabby, what’s wrong?” I was about to cry.

“Everything.” I can’t hold it back any longer. I burst into tears, again. He slowed down the car and parked on the side of the highway. “Lahat nalang na ginagawa ko mali. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang kailangan kong gawin para maitama ‘yung pinagagawa ko. Isn’t this love Nate? Diba, when you love someone so much you can give up all your happiness just for that person? You can take all the hurt, the pain just so you can see them not getting hurt because of you? Pero Nate, ang unfair!” I was sobbing the whole time I was speaking, I can barely speak, actually.

“Gab, it’s not love if someone gets hurt. Love doesn’t feel that way. You are in pain, not in love, and you are just too afraid to admit it to yourself. That you also need to be happy. Na sana ikaw naman ‘yung maging prize ng sacrifice. Gab, please, talk to him. It’s Christmas.” He smiled at me and surprisingly, what he said made me feel a lot better.

On what he said, everything is much easier now, I guess. It feels good. Let all those emotions flow without anyone judging? Okay, I’m gonna tell him everything.

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I decided to call him that night. He picked up.

Silence.

“Hi,” I said. After a few seconds he answered.

“Hi.” It was silent again. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Ken, look, I know I’ve been stupid. I am sorry,” I was crying but holding it enough so I can still speak clearly. “Can we talk tomorrow? The same coffee shop?”

“Okay.” Then he ended the call.

I cried all night. Preparing myself on how can I tell him this, looking for other options on how not to tell him and also preparing myself if ever he wouldn’t take it well? The possibilities.

Please, dear God, help me. Then I fell asleep.

The next morning, I told my mom that I am planning to tell Ken everything. She was in doubt at first pero alam naman din niya na makakabuti ito. Not sure how it will be good but I am hoping.

I texted Ken that I am on my way. He didn’t reply, though. I was getting more nervous. As I parked my car in front of the coffee shop, I noticed Ken’s car. Ito na talaga, sasabihin ko na. I chant that to myself as I enter the shop. Nakita ko siya nakaupo mag isa.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” I can’t look into his eyes. He then offered me to take a sit and I did.

“Ken, I know you’ll think this is bullsh*t but please hear me out.” Wala parin siyang imik. “Ken, I am not healthy. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I don’t want you to feel guilt or pity towards me just because I am sick. Kaya kita iniwan dahil akala ko hindi ka na mahihirapan pag nawala na ako.” He was staring at his coffee, still no reaction. So, I continued on talking. “I have CHD, and chances that I’ll be alive long isn’t good. Sana mainitindihan mo na ginawa ko yun, dahil akala ko it would make everything easier, pero it ended up with me just hurting myself and the hardest was causing you more pain because of what I did.” He was still not looking at me. “Ken, please, say something.” I was wiping my tears, ayokong may makakitang umiiyak ako. But I guess it was too late. I think everyone saw me crying.

Finally, he looked at me. He is really beautiful. He’s eyes are beautiful, each time I stare at it, it reminds me why I love him.

“I know.”

“Know what?”

“That you are sick,” How did he... “I saw your medication. I researched it. Gabby! I’m not stupid!” Yung tono ng boses niya is like half shouting, half whispering. “Bakit hindi mo sinabi agad? I didn’t say anything dahil iniisip ko, baka you needed time. Pero, instead of telling me the truth, you chose to leave me. Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you!”

“Well, it was not enough for you to tell me the truth.”

“I am sorry Ken, I love you. I thought I was saving you for a lifetime of regrets and sorrows. I love you. After you we broke up, I realized you are one of my strengths. You guys are reminding me to keep on fighting. I was finding reasons to keep going, to stay alive and I found you.”

“I love you.” He smiled and I smiled back. He leaned closer the table and reached for my cheeks, he holds it, our faces only inches away and he closed his eyes, I closed mine and I felt his lips on mine. It was beautiful.

“Ken, I know it seems a little soon... But, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Don’t worry, it won’t be that long.” I smiled because I was kidding and I am hoping he gets my joke. “So, I think you better run now.” Now, he smiled.

“Baby, I am not running. And if you do run, I’ll be chasing you to all the lifetime. Wherever you go. And I will make sure, we’ll LAST A LIFETIME together.