𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒

Disorderly Conduct

Let Em' Know
"I'm so different"

Billie POV
"Do you feel that Lyriq owes you an apology?" Victoria asked me.

"Yes." I replied.

"Would you consider reconciling with her?" Victoria asked me.

"I would consider that."

"For that conversation; I'd want you to focus on what you say, and how you say it. Tone is very important when it comes to speech—but, words still have meaning. Alright?" Victoria voiced.

"I understand." I replied.

"But, running into her aunt—what was that like for you? Did it make you feel any sort of way? Did you have any emotions, reactions, feelings?"

"Uh.. I had silently hoped that Lyriq would walk-in, and we'd talk. But, then again that would make me mad. I fucking hate her. She sort of worsened my wellbeing." I vented, anger building up as I reminisced.

"Billie, I understand that she made you feel very strongly about her—but, she simply isn't the denominator of your trauma, and your behavior. You see.. starting at ages young as 4 or 5–our brain takes notes and begins to shape us as people." She started.

"It shapes what we'll be pleasured by, what we like to eat, what makes us comfortable, and more importantly—how we cope." She finished.

"But, I was good until—"

"I think a variety of things led you to consulting in me, Billie. Not just her. Look, you had your best-friend get shot, he lost mobility temporarily—you got in a car accident, you found out you were kidnapped as a baby, and you found out that your baby had been aborted without your permission."

"What I've noticed is; things that infringe your authority, or acknowledgment and input—those things set you off. I think you're showing signs of ODD, or Oppositional Defiant Disorder.."

"But, I don't have anything wrong with me, Vic. I just—people fucked me over so much. Okay?" I explained.

I'm not fucked up in the head. Why is she painting me like that?

"Billie, I've noticed—just in our many sessions we've had—you blame others for your misbehavior and mistakes, though I do understand that your traumatic experiences aren't your fault, and entirely on the adults around you. But, you've completely placed the blame on Lyriq, whom I assume was just scared of the outcome of pregnancy.

As I told you, for black women—abortion is safety. Though, I don't mean to undermine how you felt." She told me.

"So...I'm schizo basically?" I frowned.

She shook her head.

"Girl, ODD is a behavioral disorder, and schizophrenia is a brain disorder. You just don't like authority." She joked with me.

I chuckled.

Oh, shit. I sounded dumb as fuck just now.

"I just don't wanna be crazy, Victoria." I told her.

"Chile, you ain't crazy. I know some folks with it—it's very normal to have disorders or neurodivergence. We human. It let me know you're more human when you're unique. Plus, it's very manageable and you are showing signs of progression. Also, not every schizophrenic person acts crazy, don't say that. Okay?" Victoria sat up, her posture changing.

"Alright. Thanks, Victoria." I stood up.

"Mm-hm, anytime. Now, next session we will have to schedule a day later—my wife and I are celebrating our anniversary." She winked at the end.

"Oh Jesus." I cringed.

She laughed.

"Have a nice day, Billie." She side hugged me.

I hugged her back.

"I will." I replied.