𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒

Little Secret

When Boy Meets Girl~ Total
"You said that love was too confusing"

Trigger warning; race play, racial slurs.

Lyriq POV
I got into my apartment, sliding down the wall.

Guilt began to rush through me.

I just fucked up.

I fucked up bad.

All of that stuff I said to Nate? All of that...inappropriate stuff.

Why did I do that?

I let him say things. I said things.

The worst part about it? It made me feel good.

I enjoyed it.

Those taboo things that I'd shame others for; I enjoyed it.

It was the best orgasm I ever had.

With someone—that doesn't even have the decency, to not fetishize my race's most painful history.

I failed myself. I failed my parents. I failed my aunts. I failed my ancestors.

They'd never approve of what I just did.

I let tears fall. I feel so embarrassed—because, I don't know why I was drawn to it.

My phone ringing knocked me out of my thoughts.

I didn't look at the caller ID, I just answered it.

"I enjoyed last night." Nate's bass voice sounded through my phone speakers.

"Okay." I croaked out.

"You crying?" He asked.

I sniffled.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Why?" He asked.

"Nate, we— I shouldn't have had let you say that to me. Not about me. Not about my people—

"That's the thing. I wasn't talking about you. I meant the ignorant people. The people who don't reflect your beauty. You wanna be associated with someone like that? Plus, don't act like you didn't like it. I heard what you said; just as much as you heard what I said. How do you think I feel? You're fetishizing me as one of the vile people that would've killed your ancestors. Your mother. Your father.. your son. I-I don't wanna be associated with something like that." Nate responded.

"Nate, I—"

"Wanna blame me? Because it's fun to blame the white guy? We get blamed for everything. You could've said no. I was honest with my intentions. You're embarrassed—but, sex isn't something embarrassing. It's intimate. That's what we had. Sex." He scoffed.

I could just hear him rolling his eyes.

"I'm sorry.." I apologized.

"I'm not some monster. I'm not Cook. He violated you, I asked for your consent. Not all white guys are the same, Lyriq." He stated.

"I know." I replied.

"But, you're not acting like it." He said.

"I'm stressed right now." I told him.

"How about tonight—you, my wife, and I—blow off some steam?" He suggested.

"You're married?" I scrunched my face up.

"It's strictly business. We have relations occasionally." He told me.

"Alright." I gave in.

"You'll be there?" He asked.

"Yeah." I shrugged, my gut telling me that I was making the wrong decision.

"Good. I can't wait to see you." He said.

I hung up the phone.

Then I threw it.

"You're not supposed to like that, Lyriq!" I screamed.

I started crying all over again.

Flashbacks of Officer Cook flooded my mind.

"Say you like this white dick."

I tensed up. Then I felt myself pulsating down there.

"Stop." I covered my ears.

It's like my body was betraying me.

I got up, grabbing my phone—hoping it was broken.

I pressed the power button, sighing in relief to find it was perfectly fine.

I went into my bedroom, climbing into bed.

I took my pants and underwear off, got under the covers— and, opened up X.

I typed in the search bar "#raceplay"

I've been secretly looking up this when I've had the free time.

My aunts or Billie are always around me. I barely get alone time.

——
"She's a pretty one, Nate."

"I know, right?" Nate smirked.

"Hey." I walked inside.

"I could see why Cook had his eye on you." The brunette woman smiled.

She had pretty eyes. Her lips were plump.

She kind of looked like Billie.

"You wanna see the bedroom?" Nate asked.

I nodded.

"I told her about our little thing.." Nate placed his arms around my waist.

I inhaled his scent, his hands caressed my curves.

He kissed slowly on my neck.

I felt myself getting weak in the knees for him.

"I catch you tryna run away?" He started.

"I'm sorry, Massa." I replied.

"Lay on the bed, nigger." He said.

I did as told.