𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒

Habits of Whiteness

Say Yes~ Floetry
"See I've been watching you for a while"

Victoria POV
"Billie, I want you to deconstruct your ignorance; because, your ignorance could affect your child.. now, I know that you don't have a child at the moment—but, let's say you did, right? Let's say you and lyriq had a beautiful baby girl.. for the sake of this scenario," I started.

I have to word myself carefully, sometimes that Mississippi slip out. I gotta be serious.

"Being that you harbor white ignorance, white fragility, and covert racist thinking—you'd raise this child to be very disconnected from her amazing Black lineage. Why? Because you don't like to confront racism or its effects head on. You want to be the safe, woke white liberal that understands racism, but isn't racist, will acknowledge white privilege, but not dismantle it." I continued.

"I understand all of that. I'm taking accountability. What more do you want from me?" She rolled her eyes, as if I didn't just fucking tell her what she's doing wrong.

She's lucky that I understand, and not comprehend. She's lucky that I react, and not retaliate. She harbors a lot of dismissive behavior when race and oppression is mentioned. It's utterly fucking annoying.

I'm telling you exactly how a black woman is feeling—someone that you claimed you want a relationship with, yet you dismiss me.

I could only imagine what Lyriq goes through.

"You still have racist tropes you abide by, like, Black women being on your time. Lyriq deserves healing, she deserves someone that's gentle and caring—that will attend and not offend. That's not going to come easy—I don't think you understand how structural oppression works. You don't understand the true effects of slavery, Jim Crow, black codes, conservatism, and impoverished communities. Their—no, our responses are layered with ancestral wounds that white folks haven't took time out of their day to heal. Because, yes, we have immune systems that heal by themselves—but, you have accountability that speeds up that process." I concluded.

"I wasn't raised like that. I-I don't know how it... got like that." She scratched her head.

"Victim complex, performative empathy, and lack of exposure to diversity. It's your fault for passing it on—because, your behavior is rooted in colonialism. But, drawing back to what I said about you being the type to disengage your daughter from Blackness," I read her.

"A lot of black culture was bred by enslaved black people. Our hairstyles, music, fashion, and attitude—that's where it comes from. Those people. Those important people. But, our downsides of our culture—sexuality, family dynamics, and self expression—it was born there too. What you don't understand is that what's detestable to you, it's valuable to us. Our Vernacular, it's ghetto, unprofessional, and incompetent—but, for us it connects us back to our ancestors." I continued.

"You're the type to dismiss that. You want to get rid of everything bad, while not realizing that you're colonizing and demonizing ways of life, just so you can look good. You fail to realize that life needs balance. For example; rap music has contained themes of lawless, bold behavior—but its expression. It's expression through music, it expresses our centuries of being abused and misheard. White people tend to focus on rap music more than gun laws, lack of infrastructure in urban communities, and lasting effects of redlining. Rap music doesn't keep us unemployed, broke, or dysfunctional—the system does." I explained.

"Okay, I understand." She noted.

I could tell that it was sincere.

No matter how upsetting it is to hear how she treats her black loved ones; I appreciate that she is willing to deconstruct, and unmask the hidden truths of herself.

"So, what could you do better next time?" I asked her.

"Well, for starters; I'm going to apologize. I felt horrible even after I said it. I want her to know that I'm sorry. I'm not going to rehearse this time either. I'm gonna be genuine. I also owe you an apology; I disrespected you, and the people who share the same history as you—all because I was too afraid to confront reality. I will never allow that to happen again, Vicky." She apologized, sincerely.

I nodded.

There you.

"I thank you for being blunt, firm, and honest with me. I needed that." She added.

"And did." I added.

"I feel that a lot of my ignorance comes from the fact that... all of my life, being intersex has been a struggle. A struggle that lead to suicidal thoughts, depression, and body dysmorphia. I felt like I understood black Americans reality; though I don't withstand a black American's reality. It was like "I'm oppressed too! Don't call me out because I go through shit too!" When it should have been recognition, and education. I allowed my dismissal to lead to self absorption." She ranted.

"And, what can you do to break that cycle?" I asked her.

"I'm definitely going to learn more when it comes to Black people's historical experiences, generational curses, and the history of white supremacy. I always pushed it off to the side because queer-phobia is a solidification of white supremacy, so I felt that I shouldn't be addressed when being harmful." She explained.

"And, when will this journey start?" I asked.

"Today. I grabbed this book called Habits of Whiteness by Terrance MacMullan." She replied.

"That's good, that is also a very good book. I look forward to your progression. See you Thursday." I stood.

Our time is up, after a very emotional 1hr40m session.