𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒

Cultural Differences

LUNCH~ Billie Eilish
"I could eat that girl for lunch"

Billie POV
"And how did that make you feel, Billie?" My therapist asked me.

"Horrible. She got rid of my kid without consulting with me," I responded.

I've decided to get psychiatric counseling for a variety of reasons: body dysmorphia, anxiety, depression, PTSD, and anger issues.

I can tell my wellbeing has went down gradually. I've started to bald from all of the stress.

My therapist is a Black woman from Itta Bena, Mississippi. I know that I don't share her issues about racism, and overall anti-blackness— which.. you know that wasn't the reason for me contacting her. lol

but, she was the only therapist I found that was LGBTQ+ friendly. She also wasn't costly.. I think that's got a lot to do with racial wage gaps, and gender pay gaps. I noticed white therapist charged more while having...concerning worldviews to say the least.

With Victoria, I never feel like I'm being melodramatic or that she's judging me. She always gives me the real, tells me how it is. She's like the responsible friend on my shoulder that would be in a cartoon that sometimes I may ignore. I'm a very stubborn individual, I won't lie.

Oh, also I somewhat respect the cultural differences, I like to see her perspective on things. It allows me to see that sometimes.. I'm tripping the fuck out. Like I genuinely realized I overreact because of "white girl syndrome", something Von told me I had before we fell out. "White girls be crying for no reason" was his exact words, he then sent a meme of Sarah Paulson crying.

Then Durk told me I need to stop being a Jim Crow warrior.. although he clarified I wasn't being anything close to Carolyn Bryant. Pretty much all of my friends from Chicago don't talk to me.

My therapist is basically my only bestfriend.

"So, she shut you out of a decision that was supposed to be a duo solution?"

"Yes."

"But, my only question is: how is this relevant to your situation between your older brother and you?" She asked.

"Because, he tries to decide everything for me.. always tryna tell me what's best for me. Just like Lyr- that bitch did." I ranted.

She sighed.

I could tell she was thinking very hard before she said what she had to say.

"Billie, I think you built up resentment against Lyriq, and you're taking it out on your brother. The situation between Lyriq and you, and Finneas and you—they're very different.. he's trying to motivate you. What she did was not trust you, which in the end made her untrustworthy." Victoria concluded.

I shook my head.

"No. He's doing the same. I don't like someone who makes decisions for me-"

"Elaborate how Finneas is trying to make decisions for you." She cut me off.

"I stayed home from work because I felt burnt out, also I couldn't find my keys, so I had no transportation—he told me to drop him off at work, take his car, and pick him up when I'm done working at the pizza shop. But, I told him that I would be too tired to do so. I was being reasonable, Vic." I explained.

She shook her head.

"Billie, he was trying to help you. I think your brother wants what's best for you, and you have trouble seeing that—maybe, it's because you two didn't grow up together.. do you at times feel like strangers?" She asked.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

She nodded.

"As humans, we have this thing where we don't like people telling us what to do. That's even more amplified with people we don't know. Now, I know you're related and all—but, you missed very important sibling bond building moments due to your situation with Ms. Finch," she started.

"I think you two need to meet each other, spend time together, set boundaries, goals, and learn about each other. Okay?" She finished.

"Yes." I replied reluctantly.

"Now, girl if you were one of my kids—I been of tore your ass up. Sitting up there cussing and hitting on that boy. Girl, what's wrong with you?" She asked before laughing.

I soon joined in. Her laughter is really contagious.

"Y-yeah. I know.. it was bad,"

"It was, and you definitely owe him an apology, okay?" Her snickers cut.

"Okay." I nodded, gathering my belongings.

"I want you to know, though, Billie: it's not your fault for what happened in your childhood, okay? We don't control what trauma we endure, we only choose to fight through it. You're taking a big step by valuing your life, health, and peace. Alright, hun?" She placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Alright." I nodded.

"You have an amazing day, sweetheart." She smiled softly.

"I will. Bye." I replied.

"Hold!" She stopped me.

"Yeah?" I turned to face her.

"I feel that you may lack closure from your ex-girlfriend. She aborted your child—and when I say "your", I mean the both of y'all's—but, she terminated a pregnancy that both of you guys looked forward to. I understand that made you feel enraged. You felt as if she stripped you of autonomy." She began

"I can see the comparison with Finneas: though, he's just being anything older brother who's hoping for the best for his little sister. But, Billie, sometimes we've got to consider cultural differences, okay?" She wrapped up.

"What do you mean?" I asked, invested.

She paused again.

"Black women have a very risky rate of pregnancy death. It's one of the many reasons our abortion rates are high—of course, rape, wanting to start a career, accidental pregnancies, and mutual choice play a significant role as well, but, maybe.. she was just trying to be...cautious?" She wrapped up.

"She did mention that," I muttered.

I went awol on her for just wanting to be safe.. but that shit still hurt. We picked out baby names, went shopping, I started up a trust fund.. in a glass jar. I wasn't about to fool with a bank.

But, I changed so much about me in that little bit of time we were "parents." Or "soon-to-be parents."

"But, I fully understand that it was still selfish, and very invasive to restrict you from fathering a child." She added.

"That wasn't to paint you as a bad guy. Okay?" She reassured me.

"Thanks." I nodded.

Okay, so I am right to say "fuck that bitch."