The poetry of my unspoken realm

I've never lived you

I'm so in love with you
It physically hurts me
To be this away from you always
And if I were in your place
I'd give up forever
I'd do all of those accomplishments
That my human mind can't even imagine
I'd close my eyes
And never open them again
I want you to
look at me with your striking eyes
And see in me what I see in you
Oh, what a curse it is
To feel this deeply
And be damned to do it alone
I wish we could change places
For only one day,
I'd give away years of my life
I could make you see yourself
Through my eyes
I'd be with you
In the ways
No human could comprehend
I would stare into my own eyes
That shall be yours
I'd try to mimic your heartbeat
Between blinks and soft gasps
Every time I feel the river
Running against my fingers
If I close my eyes
It feels like caressing you
If this is my torture
For all of my sins
From all of the times I have lived
I can take it
But I can't forgive life
For stealing away from me
The moments I never got
To have with you
You are my alternate dream
I can't describe you with words
Anything I could think of
It's way too shallow
And could vanish in a second
Compared to the vanishing
ocean waves
That I feel emerging from my soul
Each time I think of you
Quietly,in the dark,in my bed
I remember your voice
Strings I never got to pull
Towards my being
I wish I could have
What to remember from your touch
But my fate never let me
To experience you
Not in the ways I long most
Don't you know
I lose my sanity
Each time I try to stop
Believing in magic and miracles
Because you were the first one
That happened to me
That I still remember
I wish you could see my soul naked
I wish I could cry with you
laugh,not think,
Radiate in everything that is you
You are the melody
That I never had the discipline
To teach myself
You are the exquisite painting
That I never had the skill to reach
From my bare hands
You are everything I hold dear
From this world
But kept away in another
Flowers bloom and die
faster than a day of you
In my mind
You are everlasting in my heart
You are the course of my river
No matter where
The currents will lead me
For you I remember to write
For you I notice
When I stop to breath
When my heart skips a beat
From you I stay awake at night
From all the words
I never got to whisper
To you before bed
From all the desperate embraces
That I never had the privilege
To give to you
I am more like me
Since you woke me up
You brought me to life
Then you took all of it with you
You showed me your world
Then you closed the entrance
Now I only have left to wonder
Through the forest
Where the grave
Of our not lived memories sit
I wish I could open it
But I always fall back into nightmares
I never get to smell the lilies
I never get to taste the honey
Never get to watch the sunset
Nor to feel the cold rain on my skin
If I am God I'm the most cruel
For I don't allow myself heaven
I keep you away
And I'd rather wait at the gates
The eternity I don't have
Than let you hope in vain
Only if you had the certainty
Of how much I love you
That I'm there,somewhere
Would it change something, anything?
I may never have proof
But I don't need it anymore
I love you unconditionally
Irrevocably and sealingly
I wish I could be my sincerity
The letters I've never sent to you
The songs I never sang to you
The fire I never warmed you with
Forgive me,sometimes I can't
I don't want to let you there
I never wanted to fall asleep
I never wanted to give up
I'm a warrior who forgot
What they were fighting for
And my entire empire collapsed
When the heart of the kingdom
Has been stabedd
And in my last moments
I'd still die sooner
If I'd get to see you
For the first and last time