Never Gonna Stop Me (Resilience Book 1) (Avengers Fan-fic) [COMPLETED]

Chapter 41

Sam

I am a monster.

I almost got my best friend, no, my sister killed.

I ran my hands over my face and through my hair as I let the steaming hot water rush over me. My skin was pink from where I had tried to scrub the guilt off.

Yes, you did. You’re the reason for all of this.

Alex’s voice rang loud and clear through my head. I slipped and fell against the wall of the shower, partially because I was surprised by the sudden voice which seethed in my mind. Partially because pain ripped through my head as it did. But mostly because of the waves of guilt which crashed down on me like an avalanche, threatening to crush me.

Even worse, I left her alone to selfishly deal with my own demons. I thought, a black cloud settling over my thoughts. I ran my hands through my hair, clawing at my head to try to rid my of the guilt, the memories, this god-awful pain.

How many people are you willing to allow to get hurt before you come and claim responsibility for your actions? Alex taunted again. Images of Lexi, the Avengers, Colm, Jake, all flashed through my mind, unbidden.

They will suffer because of you. He said maliciously. I crumpled to the ground in a mess of water mixing with tears as pain tore through my skull, threatening to drive me insane. Eventually the pain died away and I turned off the water, a shivering wreck. I stumbled out of the shower, wrapping a towel around me.

Shivering from fear, guilt, lack of sleep and cold, I got dressed in a warm pair of black jeans and a sweater. I cleaned the make-up from under my eyes, and didn’t even try to hide their puffy redness. I didn’t care anymore. Lexi was almost killed by the man I hated most in the world, and it was all my fault. Alex would pay for this.

Awww! I’m the man you hate most in the world? How sweet! he said, jabbing me with another mental dagger of pain, before leaving me alone. For now.

I went back out into the living area, where Steve was waiting patiently. I braided my hair as I walked, my keys and phone in my pocket, and my jacket under my arm. Steve stood as I walked in, meeting me on the way to the elevator. We stepped inside as I tied an elastic band around the end of my braid and put on my jacket. He didn’t try to say any words of comfort, knowing what it was like to see your friends hurt, and be able to do absolutely nothing about it.

We quickly descended to the garage in silence, and walked over to my car. Once we were inside, I sighed, gripping the wheel and steadying myself, before putting the keys in the ignition. I drove out of the garage and began to weave my way through the streets, towards SHIELD.

‘You know, you don’t have to distract Nick, and you can come and see Lexi with me, if you’d like.’ I said, my eyes flicking over to him as I drove, the bright city lights, although pretty, just reminding me of what Lexi could possibly miss out of if she didn’t pull through. He sat looking both tense and relaxed at the same time, which I didn’t realise was possible. Steve sighed.

‘No, it’s fine. I might come in and check up on her too, while we’re there. But if you need me, just call. I won’t be far away, I promise.’ he said firmly as we pulled into SHIELD. I parked the car and Steve leaned across, kissing my forehead gently.

‘Don’t worry, she’s as strong as you are. No matter how bad she may look, I have full confidence that she’ll pull through.’ he said quietly, reassuring me and magically quelling all my fears.

We climbed out of the car and headed into SHIELD, making our way straight to the elevator. It quickly climbed the levels up to the level below the control room, which hosted a large and well-equipped infirmary. As we stepped out of the elevator, Bruce stepped out of a room, looking stressed. I ran down the hall to him, my heart in my throat.