save me from them

chapter 25

----- = pov change
- - - - = time skip
***** = flashback/dream

TW: mentions of r@pe, mvrder, seungmin has a p@nic att@ck, d!ssociation, svbspace, overst!mulation, svb jeongin and dom felix back at it again

seungmin doesn't know what to do anymore. ever since coming home, he's had the same nightmare every night. he was back in the cult, in the cabin they kept the breeding omegas. staring at yujun and minjun, he knew what he had to do. he had to end their lives. it was very common in the village for breeding omegas to k!ll their children to save them from the torture they could possibly have to face. so common that they had to stop killing all the omegas because the population got too small. instead, they would be put back on birth control and have their bodies used.

as much as it hurt him to do so, he had to do it for them. the hurt he's seen in such young childrens eyes as they watch their mothers or fathers get r@ped repeatedly. the confusion he saw on newly presented alphas faces when they were told that they had to have sex with their parent. the hurt in kids eyes when they had to be away from their parent almost all the time. he didn't want that for his kids.

luckily he usually woke up before the act of k!lling them happened. but it still hurt just the same. he couldn't trust himself around yujun and minjun anymore. he was so afraid of hurting them and it was making him extremely depressed.

I just want to love my own kids... my babies... my junnies...

he was okay so long as at least two people were in the room with him. but the second there was less, he would leave the room. tears would run down his face each time. he was so frustrated and sad. he just wanted to be with them but everytime he knew someone wasn't watching him, couldn't see every action he was doing, panic rose inside of him.

seungmin wanted it to end. he wanted to be able to stand seeing his kids without multiple people in the room. not panic and worry that he may do something to them if there's not enough people in the room. because he loves his kids. and everytime they cry at night, he has to wake up felix to even be able to come into the room with jeongin and comfort them.

it's killing him. it's hurting his pride. it's making him feel like a terrible mother. and today, well, today was his last straw. he was breastfeeding them both when felix hovered near the entry of the doorway. it was just jeongin, felix, and seungmin in the room at this time. and as soon as he crossed the threshold to talk to someone, seungmin broke.

he set down yujun and minjun, panic rising in his body rapidly. everything around him felt out of place. like it wasn't real. his mind was fogged over and the world felt fuzzy. he could hear someone trying to talk to him but he couldn't understand what they were saying, hearing nothing but ringing in his ears.

his eyelids move through thick molasses as he blinks, trying hard to be able to see whats going on again. but it's too exhausting to try and blink his eyes back into focus anymore.

then he feels a dull pain then suddenly he can see again. his body was still moving through molasses and his mind had a thick fog over it but at least he could see his alpha. he watches jeongin place seungmins hand on his chest but doesn't feel a thing. almost like he wasn't in his body.

he watches jeongins lips move but can't hear a thing. he tries to focus on tensing up but he couldn't get his body to do anything. he tries to read jeongins lips but it just looks like gibberish to him. he couldn't process anything. he was trapped. stuck in a terrifying place, watching and waiting and hoping jeongin can help.

and he trusts jeongin to help, he always has. but at the same time he's terrified. he's never felt this way before. even before when he just gave up on life, he could switch it on and off. the dissociation was optional for him. but right now, he was stuck. no way to reel himself back to reality. back to where jeongin and the others were.