Song // Blackbear - idfc (one of my faves tbh)
My eyes fluttered open to the rain trickling down my window. It had barely even started, but I could tell it was one of those days. Those days where nothing is wrong, but nothing is right. You're not happy, not sad, not angry. You just don't feel anything. I think those days are the worst because you don't know what to do about it. And when people ask you what's wrong you don't know what to say. You don't know what you feel.
I scrolled through my Instagram feed which was still full of fan accounts. I really have to unfollow these people. But these pictures really weren't helping my current situation. Pictures of Matt hugging fans and looking adorable were everywhere and I felt like throwing my phone at a wall.
I rolled over in my bed and chose the easy way out; sleep.
-
I typed the word 'younow' into Google and signed in. I figured I have nothing better to do so I tweeted that I'd be answering questions for the next hour.
"Going live in
3..
2..
1.."
I leaned back against the headboard and waited for the viewers to arrive.
I had been live for 5 minutes and there was already tons of questions in the comments.
"Kellyespinosa asks, how long have you and Matt been dating?" I looked down biting my lip, trying to hold it together. "Eh, we're not dating and we never were. If someone told you we were they're lying." All of a sudden the comments blew up with Cameron's name. I opened a separate tab and looked up his Twitter. My jaw dropped.
@CameronDallas:Hope you have fun with that loser Matt. You're gonna regret this Holly.
I groaned rolling my eyes. "Why does everyone feel the need to be all fake and intimating when you do something to piss them off. It's honestly really annoying..." I ranted "I'm gonna go guys, sorry I couldn't answer more questions I just need to do some stuff..."
I shook my head, lips pursed, and shut down my laptop. That 'stuff' I need to do is text Matt again.
H- Em Matt I don't know what I did but please tell me so we don't have to be fighting like this.
Ugh why do I sound so desperate! I was never like this before. All of my actions were logical and not foolish.
I guess I'm only a fool when it comes to Matt
-
~Magical time warp~
I sat on my couch eating cereal. Feeling like crap. It's been five days and Matt still hasn't texted me, called me or came to my house. I guess I was now officially mad at him. I hate being mad at him but he left me alone while it's storming outside and my family is gone.
Like, who does that to someone they supposedly have feelings for?!
I hate feelings. Always getting in the way of things and messing up friendships. Making the strongest of people weak and desperate when they'd normally be smiling continuing their lives as normal.
Back in Texas I only had like one crush and that was on Tory Bolton. Feelings were never present to annoy me. I miss that simplicity my life now lacks.
-
I wrote this song just looking at you
Oh woah oh
Yeah the drums they swing low
And the trumpets they go-
I jumped around my living room doing the only thing that could salvage my soul right now - dance and sing horribly:)
I guess maybe things weren't all that bad. Maybe we could go back to normal when school starts again and it'll be like none of this ever happened! The thought of that sounded so appealing right now but I couldn't help my feelings toward Matt.
I opened Twitter and looked through pictures of Matt. God damn, he's so gorgeous. I sorta wish he had asked me out after we kissed. It's not like I've kissed a thousand guys before but when I kissed Matt I felt like it was right. Like I was complete. Cheesy, I know, but that's the truth.
It's pretty obvious now that he's not gonna ask me out any time soon. I mean what did he see in me the first place?! I'm in no way perfect. My hair is curly and all over the place, my skin isn't perfect, I ament the perfect size, I just ament close to half the fangirls who would kill for Matt. That kind of worries me. What if he's been with some hot girl for the past few days. Wherever he's been, I don't see any reason for him to ignore me.
-
I slipped my feet into a pair of black vans and adjusted my headband in the mirror. Picking up my phone, I left my house and started walking to the park. I needed to get out of my house which I haven't left for six days. At least it's still storming really bad and I don't have school for at least another week.
*fistpump*
As I watched the rain fall from the shelter of the big oak tree, a tall boy walked over and sat next to me. I pulled down my hood and looked over to him. Matt?
"Oh my god! Where have you been the past we-" the boy pulled down his hood and shot me a puzzled look.
"Oh sorry I thought you were someone else.." I mumbled, really embarrassed. "It's okay. What are you doing out in the rain anyway?" This boy was very friendly. And very cute. He had dark hair and extremely pink lips. I shrugged my shoulders. "Drama"
He furrowed his eyebrows together and asked me, "Wait what? A beautiful teenage girl having drama? Well that's unheard of" I laughed at his sarcasm. I love him already. "So what's your name? And why are you in the park while it's raining?" I asked "I'm Nick, but you can call me Nick." He smirked and I giggled for the first time in a week. "And I actually like rain more than sun. I come here every time it rains. It's kind of like my spot where I sit and think."
"Cool. So tell me Nick, why have I never seen you around?"
"I don't know...Maybe cause I only come out when it's raining. But I've lived here all my life"
I mentally slapped myself. Of coarse I don't know him, I've lived here for like a month.
We talked for ages about random things. I'm really glad I went to the park now. We exchanged numbers and waved goodbye walking out the opposite sides of the park.
-
"GUESS WHO HAS A HOT NEW FRIEND!!!" I burst through the door running up to my dog Belle. "THIS GURRRL!" I danced around my kitchen blasting Reflections by MisterWives on my phone. Yes. I was that happy! I scrolled through my messages until I got to my group chat with the girls.
H- I met a guy today...😏
Em- OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED
El- WHAT ABOUT MATT?!
H- Haha not like that, we're just friends but we talked for hours in the rain and he made me feel so much better☺️he's coming over to chill tomorrow
Em- Is he hot?
H- Um I guess so...
El- Can I come over tomorrow?
H- No find your own hot stranger and befriend them😂
El- 😭
H- I'm rlly tired so I'm gonna go asleep. I'll text you before he comes over tomorrow gn ilyg💕
Em- gn💘
El- Sweet dreams👻
I connected my phone to the charger and drifted off to sleep.
•
Ok so to clear things up, Cam is a fuckboi and he wants to use Holly, but when she rejected him he got really pissed and now he says he wants 'revenge'.
Holly was really upset that Matt was ignoring her, but then she met Nick and now she's happy and has a new friend:)
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-xoxo riri
