Outcast

Chapter 22: What do I live for?

Sam's POV

Pain seared through my body like hot wildfire. I don't know how long I've been without blood, two weeks maybe. I lost count. I hadn't moved from the spot I had chosen since I fell apart the day I left him... Alec. Here under the ground time was meaningless. I had completely lost control of my visions and blacked out a lot. I must say that I probably spent more time gazing and examining my visions than conscious in the real world. But lately my body started protesting at me for neglecting it of blood. I could not take one more hour without blood in my system. If I did I would certainly black out in agony once more. I could not switch off my visions, so I had to wait patiently until the vision of Alec and Aro discussing about me finished. I was too in pain to try and look what was happening momentarily at Volterra, so I settled with the past. Not that I needed to torment myself any further.

I shaped my hands into claws and started digging my way out reluctantly. I did not feel powerful or ready enough to face the cruel truth that was loneliness. That was my biggest fear. Being alone and living like an animal once more, with no reason to live for.

No.

I would not reduce myself to that pitiful state ever again if I could help it. This made my determination increase. I dug harder than ever, realising that I had hit a patch of snow. I starred at the icy water befouled. It had been the 30th June when I left! What was snow doing here? Finally I dug myself out and looked around me. 

Everything was covered in whiteness. I couldn't restrain the smile that crossed my face. Where I had lived as a human it never snowed. Back in Volterra, snow was not common but here would have qualified for Santa's North Pole factory.

And well... Where exactly was here?

I looked around me and the first thing I spotted where my bags. My Betsy Johnson bag did not look too good. In fact it was soaked. I looked at my hands as I began opening the grisly looking expensive bag. They were all muddy. So was my blue sundress which looked seriously out of place in this weather. In fact every part of my body felt wet, sticky and muddy. Everything inside was soaked, the only thing I could save was a black leather jacket and a pair of knee length boots. The rest was not worth carrying. I opened the other bag and was surprised as hell. Inside it was a little black velvet box I never acknowledged of owning. I opened it and well, my mouth fell open was the understatement of the century. Inside the box there was a smaller box the colour of teal, and envelop, two passports with yours truly on them and a letter. As usual my love and curiosity for boxes emerged and I opened it first, finding a ring. And not just any ring. A wedding ring. 

Alec...

I picked up the letter and started reading as if my life depended on it.

"My love, 
I know this may surprise you. I was surprised myself when Jane offered to bring this to you. I know you probably want to throw everything away but please don't. 

I hope that wherever you are, you are happy and whoever has the opportunity to share your life with you respects you as he should. I know you and so I already know that you opened the box first. That was one of my father's anniversary presents to my mother. This one in particular, she held dear, just as I hope you will. I know that you may find a mate worthy of you one day, but I hope you'll keep it as a symbol of our love. It will never go away, no matter how hard I try. I love you and nothing you say or do will change that.

I know of your wishes to study and see the world, so I hope the little money I could give you is enough." I stopped reading and checked the envelop. I took it out and found that I had exactly a hundred one hundred dollar bills. I could not accept this much money but of course Alec anticipated me.

"I know this may look a lot and you are probably furious about it but you need it. I know you're frowning love; I never said you were in need of things but if you want to study these will defiantly help.

At the end of this letter, you'll find a number. If you ever want me to come looking for you just tell me once and I promise that when or wherever you are, I'll come looking for you. I will keep my promise and restrain myself from coming looking for you, though in my heart I'll always be with you. 

I'm sorry, Sam. If I ever hurt you even unintentionally, I swear I've always told you the truth. 

With love,
~ Alec ~"

I felt on the verge of tears by the end. He knew me so well. I wanted to get a clue where I was and head straight to Volterra. 

No. I was strong. I would not cave in to this. I promised myself I would never again give myself completely to anybody ever again. I needed to find strength in myself, not in others. I could do this. I put the box aside and found the Romeo and Juliet book. Inside it there were all my photos with Alec. I looked at them with watery eyes. Oh, how I missed tears. I could really use a good cry... and a shower... And clean clothes... And some blood. I put the letter in the box. I searched the bag throughly but I could not find one single garment appropriate for winter. It's not like I was feeling cold but I would eventually have to make contact with humans. The bag had been waterproof so my shorts and tee-shirts were in good conditions. I just chose a purple tank top that I could hide under the jacket and and a pair of dark shorts. The other clothes had no appeal to me. I found a small bag that didn't look entirely some in the Betsy Johnson bag and put the book and the velvet box in it. I realised I was holding the ring I my hand when I checked to make sure the necklace was still around my neck. Though the velvet was sticky with the mud, the necklace was there. I looked at the ring. It was a Solitaire. Just a plain white gold ring with a clear diamond in the middle. I put it on my fourth finger on the left hand and I couldn't help but smile. Though I was dirty the ring looked beautiful. I took it off, with a sad smile and slipped it on my fourth finger in the right hand. A wedding ring did attract attention on a teenager. I put the bag on my shoulder shoulder and I left, all alone, facing the unknown.

XxxX

I sat on a plane to go to America for the very first time in my life. I couldn't help but feel excited. I had just finished a law course in Oxford. So I was going from London to Pittsburg in Pennsylvania. After studying in some of the best universities in Europe I decided to head West to the New England. I mainly studied Law or Commerce but this time I've decided to try biology. Since I didn't have the faintest idea of what was I supposed to learn I thought that it would be worth it to try starting high school. I had to do a little research about the American school system but it was easy and clear. I would be starting ninth or maybe tenth grade, depending on how I will make my next passport. Since there was an age gap from university to tenth grade, during my university days I would say advanced learner or stuff like that. Since I had nothing better to do with my time I studied and learned a lot. I had perfect grades in university and sever degrees. But I think it will do me, being with kids my age. 

After walking up in Finland I had used the money Alec had given me to tour around Europe. I never used planes for the same continent but I did not feel like swimming across the Pacific ocean or leaving my new clothes behind me. It has been nine years since I left Volterra. I missed Alec, a lot. Especially when I was alone at night. 

Mostly people though I was a sociopath. I never talked to anybody or built any kind of relationship I would mostly use my spare time in my visions. The first few years after I woke up in Finland had been uncontrollable. Turned out I had been under the ground for a solid nine months. Always engulfed in my visions. Until my my mind adjusted to them I had been back through square one. Always fainting or fighting headaches. But now everything was alright, of course everything except my loneliness. I always felt alone, only my visions for company. 

Once I had been so bored, I had checked on everybody in my past human life. Of course, I that didn't include Volterra. I did not one to tempt my self with that. I was strong and independent, just like I should be. I also had killer new blue and light blond highlights to match my biker boots and dark clothing. Yeah, go figures. After complaining about wearing black to Alec, I ended up wearing goth clothes willingly. But I liked them, they kind of matched my personality.

So, back to the humans. After thinking back about my human days, I managed to find out that my mum was fighting with an STD. Not so surprised there. At least she did take the pill to prevent from getting pregnant. Fortunately it was nothing serious. I got curious about my backstabbing friends too. Courtney ended up with child at the age of twenty and then died of over doze five years ago. Dakota had fared or better than her. She was happily married with two kids. Cam was married to, after divorcing twice. 

I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I let a vision engulf me and suddenly from being in a seat next to a woman who had clear cholesterol problems, I was running through thick greenery, wind fluttering through my hair and slight raindrops caressing my skin. Suddenly I found a girl, who was about my height with short pixie-like brown hair. Her paleness gave her away. She was a vampire. 

"Um... Hello." I said after a fraction of a second staring at her. 
She didn't answer me. Instead she looked right through me, as if I wasn't there. 

"Edward, Bella, we're leaving for school." she said. Suddenly two figures emerged from the forest. They were a man and a woman both looking about eighteen. 

"Sure, Alice." the woman who should be Bella said. "We're coming." 

"Well get a move on, Jake and Nessie have already left." Alice said. Bella sighed for some reason and Edward behind her chuckled. I was shifted back to reality when somebody touched me. I woke up abruptly and found the woman next to me smiling.

"You over slept, dear. The plane has landed." she told me. I mumbled a thanks and followed the beeline to get out of the plane. I kept thinking about my vision. Hmmm... Alice, Bella and Edward, where had I heard the names before. Then my mind clicked. Bella and Edward were those who had the half vampire child. Alec had told me years ago. I wondered what the vision meant. 

I got my luggage and went outside to get a taxi to my new place. It was a really dark night, though I could see clearly. I walked to where the taxi stand was calmly, savouring my firsts sights of America. I walked calmly, looking like a perfectly normal human teenage girl when suddenly I smelled blood. I smelled attentively to see where the smell was coming from. Suddenly I heard somebody begging to be left alone. I rolled my luggage fast to a corner and grabbed them in my hands to be able to run swiftly without any noises. I arrived to the place where the smell was strongest in seconds. There was a girl, maybe nineteen years old, with small cuts on her arms and two low-lives trying to steal her purse and undress her. Not on my watch they don't. I set the luggage down.

"Leave the girl alone." I told them, putting as much force in my icy voice as I could.

"Looks like there's another babe for you dude. Now we won't have to share." one of them said. I repeated my previous words to him.

"And if I don't what are you going to do about it?" the other one said while he closed in on me.

"Don't make me hurt you. I'm not in the mood." I told him calmly.

"Look how the little bitch's talking to us. Can you believe her?" the redhead said. 

"No, but I sure wanna fuck her to see if she keeps up the attitude." the fake blond said. 

"Go for it, dude." the redhead encouraged. He approached me and just as he was about to pin me down on the ground, I stepped away and grabbed his left arm and pulled it backwards like those police on CSI did. I wasn't satisfied until I hear his shoulder click which meant it was dislocated. I grabbed his hand in mine and squeezed until he was whimpering in pain.

"Wanna fuck me now, dumbass?" I asked him seductively in his ears. That must have made his stick erect and wet his pants at the same time. The other came up to me so I left Fake Blond and lunged for Redhead. 

I pushed him to the wall without any notice and broke his nose. He held his nose in his hand, "What are you?" he asked me with tears in his eyes.

"Your worst nightmare." I told him and grabbed him, trying not to use super speed, by the scruff of his shirt. I went for the other one to and held them both in front of the scared woman. "Apologise, you douche bags." I told them. They mumbled quick apologies through their grunts of pain. I threw them on the floor until they scampered off, hiding away. Had I been alone I would have killed them. I only noticed that the woman was trembling like a leaf when I looked at her and she cringed away.

"I won't hurt you, I promise." I said in my sweetest voice. "Come on, we need to get those wounds disinfected and you most definitely need a cup of coffee or something." She still would budge.

"Do you think I would have helped you if I wanted to hurt you afterwards? I'm Samantha Hathaway, but you can call me Sam. And you are?"

"E-Emily." she stummered. We started walking quietly back to the airport.

"Well, Emily, why would a girl like you be out here all alone at three o'clock in the morning?" I asked her casually, just out of plain curiosity. 

"You're even younger than me." she told me. 

"Touché. But as you could see I can defend myself. Don't you thing it's best if you avoid places like this at night?" I asked her.

"I have nowhere to go. The landlord just kicked me out." 

"Well, don't you have a family you can go to." 

"My father disowned me because I won't abort my baby." she said. I turned around and saw her stroking her tummy. I forgot the luggage for a minute and hugged her. She was surprised but after a few seconds she loosened and hugged me back, with tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

"My dear, that's the smartest decision you ever made. You have no idea how precious live is. Don't worry things will always turn out great for good people." I told her. We arrived at Burger King and while she sat and so I left my luggage next to her and went to order. I looked at her in confusion. What was I supposed to order for a pregnant woman? I decided on a chicken burger with a side of fries and a salad. She would need the extra vitamin and she looked way to thin for her own good and her baby's.

After I got my order I sat next to her. I pushed the tray to her side and told her to pick what she liked.

"I don't have money." she told me frankly in a small voice.

"Don't worry, my treat." I told her. She looked at me with eyes full of gratitude and started stuffing her face with fries. This just felt slightly weird, looking at her eating. The food looked greasy but I suddenly got the urge to try a fry. I missed junk food. 

Suddenly she looked at me. "Sorry, I know it's rude but I haven't eaten since yesterday. Aren't you gonna eat anything?" she asked.

"I'm not really hungry. Eat as much as you can cause everything will go to waste if you don't." she nodded and dug in the food once more. 

"Not that I want to invade your privacy but what are you going to do now?" I asked her. Her eyes suddenly turned very sad.

"I don't know." she said solemnly. I thought hard. Perhaps I could give her some money. But money would eventually run out, leaving her broke for when the baby comes out. Perhaps she could stay with me. I thought about it and it wasn't a very smart idea. Living with a human is dangerous and not just because I would be constantly exposed to temptation but because I would have to involve her in this whole vamp thing.

"Hey, I know its not a very good idea but you can come living with me. I live alone so there's no problem." I blurted out.

"How old are you? How did you manage to own your own place?" she asked me in bewilderment. 

"Well, um... I guess seventeen. Emily, if you're going to live with me there are some rules you need to know about. Not exactly rules, more like precautions." I waited until she nodded. "You see what I was able to do out there. As time passes you'll realise that I'm different. But most importantly never try to figure out what I am. Is that clear? This is fundamental for your safety."

"Wait, you aren't a fugitive of the law, right?" she asked me. I grinned at that. I'm not sure any fugitive is able to kick butt like that. 

"No. Just different. I'll warn you beforehand, I don't eat."

"Anorexic?" 

Dead wrong. "Something like that. It's a condition which makes me eat very small quantities." I told her. I should have warned her about the sleeping but my visions would be able to cover for me and well I just had no excuse for the twinkling and sparkling in the sunlight. But that could wait.

"But the main point is that I'm dangerous. Sometimes my control lapses. And you don't want to be in my way when that happens." I told her, indirectly referring to the blood. Though it didn't bother me anymore, I don't know how I would manage with some really big wounds. She had no problem with my attitude because I had lost many feelings after I woke up in Finland. It was difficult to build a relationship, or to feel any strong emotions except for numbness and sadness. Nothing amused me anymore or gave me any pleasure. I had became an empty shell. Cold. Alone...

Snap out of it!

"I guess I can handle that. It's better than being roofless. And well, I figure if you didn't hurt me when I met you I don't think you'll hurt me now." she said. I smiled grimly. I was quite unsure how this would turn out. But I believed in destiny. And probably it was no coincidence. 

"Let's go." I told her as she gulped down the last few mouthfuls of salad and followed me outside. She kept up with me and slipped in the taxi next to me the minute the taxi driver put in my luggage. I gave him the directions to my new house and I saw him frown slightly. I tended to buy my houses as close as possible to the forests or parks and it was probably quite a long way. The ride was silent and after two hours we arrived. The house was just like I had seen in the brochures. Big and grand. It was a Victorian house with rose bushes on the sides. I heard Emily gasp next to me. 

"O.M.G! This... is this it?"she asked me with disbelieve dripping down her voice.

"Yes. Nice, huh?" 

"Nice?! This is a fairytale house." she said. The taxi pulled in the driveway and stopped. I paid the man and unloaded the luggage myself, earning weird glades from Emily who obviously thought the bags were toi heavy for me. I shrugged the weird glances off and made my way up the stairs to the front door. I entered the house and got the keys the previous owners had sent me. The door opened without any problems and I was welcomed by the stylish decor of my living room.

"Hey, can you give me a tour?" she asked me after she finished gaping at the furniture. 

"Sure but it's going to be more of an exploration. I haven't been in here before." I told her. Soon, we had explored the house, and each chose a bedroom. After she showered and got in bed wearing one of my Victoria’s Secret silk PJs, I decided to clean up a little. Since she was already asleep, I could use vamp speed so I was done in no time. But the time I finished the house was spotless, not even a cobweb in sight and my books and clothes were neatly shelved in my personal library. Since the bedroom was big enough, I did not need a study, so I just planted my iMac in place. Though I had enough money, I had to work to be able to spend this much money. After studying Computer Studies for a year, I worked a little while as a tailor of softwares for specialized softwares, which were a hit amongst many companies. The projects landed me quite some big bucks. It was then when the Apple products turned into my best friends. I always used iMacs and now with Emily living with me I had the perfect excuse to buy an iPhone.

After everything looked perfect I decided to go hunting and then shopping. The contents of Emily’s bags had been a jacket, twenty bucks and a coupon for pizza. She needed clothes and since she was taller than me my jeans would not fit her. I wrote her a note saying “Gone shopping. S.” and left it on her bedside table and left.

XXX

 I parked my brand new red Mini Cooper outside and made my way upstairs to my house. My arms so full, my body was invisible beneath the stuff. Emily came in as she heard the door close.

 “God, You must have super strength. How are you managing to carry all that?!” I felt the corners of my mouth quirk up.

“Out of which lame comic book did you get that?!” I asked her, making my voice seem as if I was questioning her sanity when in reality she was dead right. She shrugged my comeback and tried to help with my stuff.

“Sam, not that I’m trying to invade your privacy, but seriously, why did you buy all these clothes when you have a truck full of clothes in your closet and a… coffee machine?” she asked me. Well, when I used to be human coffee was like my daily vitamin.

“They’re not for me. If you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of midget sized next to you so you can’t borrow my clothes.” I said matter-of-factly.

“Wow thanks! And by the way you’re not midget sized, you’re fun size- Oh my God! Is this a dress from Guess?”she asked me bewildered.

“That’s what is says on the tag and bag so yeah, it is.”

“Oh holy gods of Apple!” this made me giggle. She had such a way with words. “You bought an iMac! And two iPhones! Somebody pinch me.” She said as she caresses the laptop box as if she was in love with it.

“The laptop’s yours. Hope you like the colour.” I had bought is shocking pink as my visions told me she had always wanted one like that.

”I love it, Sam. Now. We have two phones needing basking in their awesomeness.” I laughed out loud at her words.

“Sam, I think we’re looking at a beautiful friendship.” she said. For the very first time in years I felt content. I wasn’t alone anymore. I had a friend now. The blackness suddenly stopped looking like the main highlight of my life

XXX

I'm not in the mood for proof reading. Off to start chapter 2 of my other story. I promise I'll review my work and check all spelling and stuff. Anyway I LOVE you ppl. Keep  reading, commenting and voting cause the story is going to get quite a twist in a few chaps' time.