Outcast

Chapter 23: It's love when it hurts

Alec's POV

I was lying on my bed, reading a book just to pass the time. I seriously didn't known what I was reading about. My mind kept drifting off... To her. I sighed in frustration and threw the book with enough force that it would smash right through the door. And it would have if it wasn't for Jane who knocked swiftly, opened the door and caught it just before it hit her.

"Seriously?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. I shrugged her off. "Anyways, the Masters requested your presence. They have a task for you." I grimaced. Recently, I have been feeling quite reluctant about my role in the Volturi. I didn't want to say it out loud but I held a grudge against Aro for what happened with Sam. 

"Come on Alec. You need to get up, put on a shirt, and get on with your life!" 

"I can't and I don't want to." I told her, at least not without her.

"She still hasn't called or contacted you, hasn't she?" Jane asked as she sat next to my bed. 

"No." I hadn't seen her in nine years. Almost a decade without my mate. 

"Well, perhaps... You should try to get over her. You haven't really tried. You've been up here for months. And I'm sure that stupid animal blood you're feeding yourself does not make it any easier."

"I don't want to talk about it. Go. Tell them that I'll be with them shortly." she sighed and left, leaving me to my misery.

I got up lazily and examined myself in the mirror. My eyes were pitch black and my skin too pale even for a vampire. 

How had I allowed myself to end up in this pitiful state? No matter how much I tried I could not move on. Everyday without her resulted in me loving her more than ever and mourning over her loss. But knowing that she was somewhere out there, but out of my reach agonised me. Sometimes I think it would have been easier knowing that she's finally dead. At least I wouldn't have to live with the constant cruel hope that she might come back to me only to be disappointed over and over again. 

Still, I don't think I would be able to live knowing that I would never see her again. I wonder how Marcus is able to do it. Well, it's not like he's living much of a life. Since he lost his Didyme, things haven't been the same, or so I've been told. He became empty, emotionless. She had already been murdered by some rogue vampire. He was ready to leave the Volturi and go away with her. But fate had other plans in store for them. Now, I think only Chelsea’s power is keeping him here.   But he had been ready to do the one thing I wasn't able to do for Sam. Abandon my past.

Its not like I'm any use to Jane anyways, she's always worried about me. Had I left with Sam, she would have eventually understood that without Sam I could not live. 

I put on a fresh shirt and my Volturi chain and reluctantly went downstairs. When I arrived in the throne room, Jane opened the door and I walked in. I let my usual expressionless face conquer me even when in front of me there was a female vampire practically throbbing on the ground when Jane looked at her. 

"Alec, you are finally here. We were beginning to worry." Aro said.

"Yes, Master." I told him, keeping my voice as monotone as possible to hide the venom in my words. I walked towards my sister who smiled as I joined.

"This vampire here has caused much trouble among our kind. She had created many vampires who have led to many newborn armies during the past fifty years. Now all we want to know is why."

"I don't need to tell anything to you. I have created many vampires but I have taught them all well and stayed with each of them for almost a year." she said as she tried to get up from the floor to regain some dignity. She was almost Sam's size, in fact her figure resembled deeply Sam's petit frame. She had the same womanly curves and pouty lips but her hair was a dirty blond bob. She looked quite attractive but in no way could she surpass my Sam. No not mine. Not any more. I sighed internally. 

"This would be so much easier if Samantha was here. Have you tried to reach her yet, Alec." a hiss escaped my mouth as he mentioned her name. How dare he, still think about Sam as if she was some asset to be gained! After all he did to us, he still expected me to hurt her again by letting him use her. Over my incinerated body I would allow that. If Sam returned we would leave for good. I felt all the heads in the room turn to me. Several pairs of eyes tried to make eye contact with me, including Jane, but I only had eyes for Aro. Hissing was quite disrespectful and I should have known better. But right know I was seeing red. 

"No." I said with force in my words. Jane shuddered next to me. She knew this would not go well if he continued questioning me about her. Jane knew me enough to understand that he had crossed a line. Much like when he outright commented about my new nutrition habits. But I had stayed strong. Sure I had fallen once or twice to the thirst, but I seriously try hard to fuel my thirst only with animal blood. Fortunately he didn't continue questioning me though his eyes narrowed slightly. Instead he turned to Jane. With one glance Jane understood him and sent her power rocketing through the vampire who started throbbing like a fish out of water. 

"We need to know. You have basically three options. You can either help us understand your logic and we'll let you go, as after all you haven't done anything directly to cause these wars. If you still insist on keeping silent you'll die a slow painful death. If you are found guilty you'll die but at least you won't feel it coming. You choose." 

"I don't have anything to justify myself with." she said, still determined. 

"Well then, Alec, Jane. End her. Slowly." he said. Jane giggled like a little girl next to me while I remained expressionless. Jane grabbed her by her short hair while I numbed her so that she would not agitate and dragged her to the feeding rooms, which in some cases like this one were used as torture chambers.

"You know what, I'm still curious. I think we should keep this going till we get some answers. Don't you, Alec?" Jane said as she threw her carelessly on the floor. I shrugged and leaned lazily on the wall. 

"Whatever. I don't care." Jane rolled her eyes and closed them. Suddenly the woman screamed in agony. I watched, bored and uninterested at the scene in front of me. 

"Come on Alec, you haven't even made one move! This is boring, I'm leaving her to you." Jane said and went off doing whatever. 

The vampire got up and looked helpless. Her hair was messy, her eyes wide with fear. Gradually she calmed down as she realised I hadn't moved or done anything to hurt her. I was just too bored to care. I started numbing her to get over with it but she yelled "Wait." I stopped and her eyes were open, alarmed. The crimson in them gleamed like wildfire. An image of Sam, helpless and scared crossed my mind as I looked at this vampire.

"What?" 

"Don't kill me! I can give you something you would like." she told me.

"I doubt you can bring the love of my life back here." I told her and started numbing her once more. She suddenly threw herself at me, not lunging but awkwardly putting her arms around me. Suddenly she kissed me deeply, not even stopping when she realised that I wouldn't respond.

"I can give you love for one night. I can fulfill a need that your love isn’t able to fulfill. Without bindings." she told me and started nibbling at my neck. I pushed her away. Even thinking about it felt wrong, as if I was cheating on Sam. 

"I don't need your love." 

"Yes, I think you do. You need to forget a little bit of the pain. I can make you forget."

"No, you can't. Nothing can numb the pain."

"I bet I can. Do you know why I turned all those vampires? You killed my mate. And I was lonely. Making love with them helped me forget. But I tire easily. Some of them find out about each other and get pissed, even though I would tell them that we were over." she told me. So she was a vampire slut. How could I have compared her to Sam? Sam was virtuous and pure. I'm sure that she would never even think about scooping to this level. She'd much rather let the loneliness eat her away like me. Suddenly, the vampire's hands went from around my neck down my torso and abdomen until it settled on the front of my pants. I pushed her to the other side of the wall and she smashed with quite some sounds. I ran towards her and grabbed her by her neck.

"Never touch a mated vampire. Never." I said menacingly to her and twisted her head until it cracked. I threw away her head and strarted tearing the rest of her body limb from limb. I grabbed the parts of her body and went in the forest to burn them up. I found a dry patch of ground and lit up her body parts. 

After a while, I heard the sound of footsteps which alerted me that someone was coming. I smelled around me, expecting to smell Jane but instead I smelled... Marcus. I bowed slightly, showing him respect and continued looking at the burning mess in front of me.

"Why are you still here?" Marcus said out of the blues, his face showing just a hint of pain and enquiry. That again, he always looked pained. 

"What?" I asked him, taken aback with his bluntness.

"When you find something real in your life you should never let it go. You have to pursue it. Why are you still here?" Shock and understanding flickered inside of me. Was he seriously asking me about Sam? I never acknowledged that he cared about us.

"I promised. I can't break my word to her." 

"You know, when she was here, especially when she was with you, you both radiated happiness and life. You would not understand the happiness that you shared and in my eyes, I could see myself and my beloved Didyme in you two. Only once have I felt that kind of happiness radiate of vampires in this coven and that was with my mate. Two souls, perfectly in sync who become one. Immortality can be a gift when you spend it with your beloved, but it can be the worst of curses when you have to carry its burden alone." he said, his eyes going sadder than usual. 

"Yes, but knowing that she's somewhere out there, not knowing if she's safe or happy, I can't handle that. How do you cope?"

"I don’t. Though physically I’m here, one the inside I would relive all the minutes I spent with her. I live in the past, as the present is meaningless. Don’t lose your chance, boy. If something happens to her, you don’t want to live your life, cursing yourself for wasting all that time instead of being with her.” He sighed. “I should be going back. You need to give a report of what you discovered." 

"Very well." he left, leaving me once more alone, staring at the dissembled body as it burned and disappeared.

  XXXXX  

I kept thinking about Marcus’ words. Perhaps I should forget all about the promise I made and go looking for her, talk to her personally.  

No I could not.  

This wasn’t a pride thing at all, but I had to keep my word to her. She would come when she’s ready.  But what if she’s never ready? What if she would find someone who loves her and she loves him back. I’m sure she would try to return my gifts. Was I ready to see her happy with another man? That’s what I had written in the letter, but was it true? Could I live, knowing that the love of my life was in love with someone else? Sam was way too beautiful to be left alone. Humans would just throw themselves at her feet and vampires would surly try to win her over.                              

Gah, even thinking about Sam with another made me… jealous. Yes, I was jealous. She is MINE. She was supposed to be here, with ME. Her scent was supposed to mark her as mine, yet out there, the others would just think she had sex before turning vampire. Stupid scent. It should mark her for eternity that she’s mine, not for a fucking two months! And even if it did only mark her for two months, we were supposed to make it stronger by making sweet love every minute we could, not being apart for this long. She was supposed to be here in my arms, instead she was… I don’t know where the hell she was!!

 I punched the first thing in front of me, which was a tree. It shattered but at least it didn’t fall.    “So much anger, Alec. Is something wrong?” I heard a familiar voice say. I turned around to find Aro behind me. His expression was unreadable.  

“Nothing more than usual.” I said and bowed, about to take off. I could not stand being here with him without growling or doing something stupid.  

“Wait, Alec. I need to talk to you.” I stopped in mid-run trying to look anywhere except directly at him.   “Alec, we need to find her and get her back here. She’s just too valuable to ignore. I’ve put up a group this afternoon. You, Jane, Dmitri and Alexis are going to get her. Alexis will help you with the computer tracking. You and the others will do the rest. You should-“

 “No.” I interrupted him. I looked up at him; his eyes were slight bigger, as if he was surprised with my outburst.

 “Excuse me?” he asked me in a horrified voice.  “She’s not one of us. Don’t try to get her back. You’ll only end up hurting her.” I said, resisting the urge to hiss at him.  

“But just look at the possibilities. She’s alone now and from what Marcus has told us there was a very strong bond between you two. If you ask her to come back, I’m sure she will oblige immediately. That way you would be happy once again and we would have gained a permanent asset."

“No, she won’t oblige. She’ll get even more stubborn and she’ll hate us more than she already does. Forget about her, Master. She is not like us and she will never be.”  

“Is this your last word?”  

“Yes. I will not try to find her.”  Aro sighed.”You’ve changed, Alec.” Aro said.   “Yes, I did. I just changed too late.” I said and before he could comment I ran off, back to my lonely, cold bed.  

Yeah, I know short chap. But it’s seriously becoming difficult to write in Alec’s POV without getting the story boring. Anyway hope you liked it, I had half a chap written in Sam’s POV, but on popular demand I decided to write in Alec’s POV, since everyone seems to miss him. I do too, but right now Emily and her baby have become a top priority and you’ll understand why in a few chap’s time…   Anyway comment, note, read and fan! I’ll try to update regularly but I’m on a seriously messed up schedule this summer. Seems like my mind needs to rest after waking up at 5:00 a.m for two weeks.