Songs Of The Chapter:
. Never Good Enough - Rachel Ferguson
. You're Not Alone - Saosin
. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - Green Day
. Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
. The Last Song I'm Wasting On You - Evanescence
Jade's POV
I had tried everything to pretend that Harry wasn't on my mind but he was more than I would ever like to admit. I dreamt of him, I cried for him whenever I was alone. My legs were covered in fresh scabs. I couldn't get the feeling of not being good enough out of my head.
Emily and Dylan tried their hardest to try to distract me from my own thoughts and I would pretend that it was working, but in reality it wasn't a single bit. I just painted on a fake smile most of the time whenever they were around. There were moments where they did make me smile but it would quickly be washed away by my brain screaming that I wasn't good enough.
I begun to do the things that I did when I was younger to not get caught purging. I begun taking laxatives and whenever someone asked why I was using the restroom a lot, I would tell them that I was sick to my stomach. They all easily believed it because they had no idea that I used to use laxatives when I was younger, or I thought.
"Are you okay?" Emily asked from across the kitchen table.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I lied.
"Everything is gonna be okay." Liam said from his seat beside Emily.
"I know."
"It'll just take a while. That's life, it has it's up and downs. The best thing that we can do is not let it get to us because if we do then we loose all control of ourselves." Dylan said from beside me.
"I know." I repeated.
"You keep saying that you know, but are you really listening to anything that we are saying?" Liam huffed.
"I am."
"I don't believe that you really are. We have been trying to help you a while but you just don't seem to be taking our advice. Forget him, forget Harold Edward Styles. He is a despicable, arrogant, egotistical twat that never deserved you. You gave him a million and once chances to change but has he ever truly changed? No! Harry is manipulative, he will act like he's a changed man but in all reality he is still the same damn person that you knew in the beginning. He's unfaithful! For fu-cks sake Jade, he cheated on you with my wife! Doesn't that tell you who is is? What a real man he is? A real man doesn't sleep with your brother's wife!" Liam vented.
"Do you think that I don't know this? I do, I know everything that you are saying."
"But you don't want to accept the facts. You need to think long and hard about the pros and cons of your relationship. Were you always happy?"
"No, but.."
"Only one word answers!" Liam interrupted me.
"Do you think he really cared for you?"
"Yes."
"Do you think that if he cared he would've accepted those bets?"
"No."
"Let me ask you the final question. Do you really think that he loved you the way that he claimed?"
"Yes." I replied quickly.
"Then you're fu-cked in the head, Jade!" Liam screamed at the top of his lungs.
In a matter of seconds everyone at the table became quiet, in a state of shock you could say. Liam was the type of person to hear him angry or curse was a rarity. He only did so when something was truly bothering him.
"And I've seen everything that you've been doing, Jade! The boxes of laxatives that you carry in your purse. Fu-ck, I've watched you take two since we sat down. Do you honestly think that taking those are going to help your eating disorder? I have been trying to be supportive of you but it can only go so far, especially when I see you killing yourself slowly before me. Look at Emily, she had an eating disorder and it doesn't bother her anymore."
"Actually." Emily intercepted. "I technically still have an eating disorder. No person truly gets over having an eating disorder, they just learn to try to control it. I have diet pills in my bedroom, laxatives also. I just choose not to take them. I watch what I eat so that I know I am getting the calories that I need to survive and not to binge. But let me tell you, I still have the thoughts of taking them and of purging almost every day."
"Then why don't you throw them away?" Liam asked her.
"Because they are like a comfort thing. You wouldn't understand unless you had an eating disorder." Emily replied.
At that moment I got out of my seat and walked though the house towards my bedroom. I could hear Dylan say that he was going to check on me from the kitchen. I entered my bedroom seconds later and laid upon the bed.
"What is going on?" Dylan said as he walked into my bedroom. "Laxatives?"
"I have an eating disorder. I've had it since I was young." I explained.
"I know, you've told me but I thought that you were trying not to let it control you anymore."
"Sh-it happens. I'm stressed out and whenever I am stressed I end up relapsing."
"You can't let Harry control you anymore. He left you, I'm here. I'm here for you whenever you need me. I hope you know that."
"I do know that." I replied. "It's just hard."
"I know it is, especially with your past with him. But he is gone and I'm here."
A/N: Hi loves. I hate to do this since I have never asked you all to do it, but I need motivation to write especially with school being in now. My votes and comments keep getting lower and lower with each chapter, I don't know what I am doing wrong.
I love you all.
YOU ARE READING
Desolation // h.s (Book 2 of The Redemption Series)
Fanfiction"It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant that we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home...Only to no home that I had ever known."...
