Desolation // h.s (Book 2 of The Redemption Series)

Chapter Eighteen

Songs For This Chapter:

. You're The One I Want - The Lennings

. Fool's Gold - One Direction

. The Greatest Bastard - Damien Rice

. The Hard Sell - Coheed And Cambria

 . The Dark side Of Me - Coheed And Cambria

 Jade's POV

The trip back to the States was more stressful than I ever thought it would be. The entire time that I was on the plane, I clawed at my wrists with my nails. I was scared. I was so very scared of what would happen when I got back. Harry had told me when we were in Ireland that he was going to dump April as soon as we all got back to the States. A week passed after we had arrived, and he had yet to do it.

I was slowly loosing all hope in being with him again, I couldn't trust him. I didn't want to be with anyone, I isolated myself in desolation the entire week after our arrival. I didn't want to eat, I barely slept, I just laid in my bed and cried. I cried because I had been lied to again, I cried because I had believed him, and I cried because I was an idiot for doing so. Harry would always be the man that would break me down, that would repair me. But through all that we went through, I was the idiot that kept running back to him. I didn't deserve what he did to me,

Harry refused to answer my calls, he refused to respond to any of my texts. I didn't understand why he was acting the way he was towards me. When we were in Ireland, we were so happy but the minute that he stepped off of the plane, he became distant. Emily had noticed it also, and she had asked him what was wrong but he just brushed her off.

The urges to harm myself and to purge were so hard to ignore. Countless times I had to stop myself from running to the restroom and trying to throw up, even though there had been nothing within my stomach. I kept clawing at my wrists with my nails so badly that the crescent marks stayed for a while every time that I did it.

Two weeks after our arrival, I finally shut off my phone. I went and got it disconnected, because if Harry really had wanted to get in contact with me he would have done it within the first week. Liam had Emily's number so if he had to get a hold of me, he could call her phone. Harry had her number also, but he never called her either nor did he respond to her texts.

That following Wednesday after I disconnected my phone, I decided to drive to Indianapolis to confront Harry. But as usual, Harry wasn't at his flat. Harry was in class when I had shown up, so I went to campus and waited for him. When I finally spotted him, he was walking with April and had his right arm snaked around her waist.

A month later, I still hadn't heard a single word from Harry. And that was when I finally snapped. I purged, and binged, I cut myself multiple times. I was so damn angry at myself for believing him. I failed myself, I gave in to my destructive ways. Partially I felt sad about it, and then on the other hand I felt numb, the comfortable numb that I had always felt since my parents death, maybe I was going mad?

Harry finally came around when I wasn't at my home on Valentine's day. On Valentine's day the two years prior, he told me that he loved me and meant it for the first time. But the moment that Emily told me that he had came by, I didn't feel any love towards him, only hatred. And what hurt the most, was the realization that I was giving up. I was giving up on him, and on myself. It was time to say good bye. All I ever wanted was him, and I wasn't and was never going to be good enough. So that was exactly what I did, I gave up. And I had no intention on running back to him, none whatsoever. Harry had left a dozen roses for me, I threw them away. He left chocolates on the table, I gave them to Emily to eat. The letter that he left saying that he loved me and that he wanted to be with me, I ripped it into shreds and threw it away. He tried calling her later that night, I ignored him. He had managed to ignore me for over two months and I was pissed so I told her to tell him that I wasn't home.