Monolouges and Rants

What is fear?

What is fear?
It's when you freeze and can't move from where you are.
Your heart rate increases and you begin to panic.
In your panic, you begin to think about impossible possibilities.
I don't have many fears but the ones I do have petrify me.
One being public speaking and presenting.
The thought scares me to the point where I can actually feel my insides tighten up.
I start sweating and slowly begin to panic.
My mouth goes dry and my heart beings to ache in intense pain.
My fingers become ice.
I begin thinking about what'll happen if I mess up.
Will everyone laugh?
Will I look like an idiot?
Will I faint?
What if I forget something?
The list goes on and on.
These thoughts flood my mind and I can't help but start to shake and quiver in fear.
One of my other fears is loneliness.
I love to be alone but at least know that if I want to talk to someone, I have a friend.
After having the feeling of pure loneliness,
I cant bear the thought of going back.
Once you get a glimpse of how scary it is, you can begin to tremble.
That's when the thoughts come.
These thoughts can range from why do I deserve this?
To thoughts of death.
Your mind falls into a void of fear and terror that feels impossible to escape from.
The only other fear I know well is feeling useless and helpless.
That is my biggest fear.
Not having purpose.
Feeling like a waste of space.
Feeling like everyone around you is faking liking you.
That. Is my biggest fear.
I constantly feel like everyone around me wishes I was gone.
Wishing I would just shut up and disappear.
I'll be honest, I've thought about it.
I've thought about what would happen if I just vanish.
Would people notice?
Would the people I thought cared just forget about me?
I'm scared...
I'm scared to be forgotten...
I'm scared to be a waste...
I'm scared to not exist...
I'm scared to be alone...
I'm scared to fail...

I'm scared..