Monolouges and Rants

Unheard cry for help

Do you ever just a have a million things to say, but have no idea how to say them?

Like seriously I have so much I want to say.
So much to talk about.
So many things to get off my chest.
But no one to talk to properly about it all?

My best friend is too busy for me to even try.
I'm not going to waste my partners time with my ranting.
My other friends would just get annoyed with me.
It's impossible!

It's all about everyone else and I'm just the supportive mom friend who apparently never has any issues of her own.

I don't open myself up as often as I should or as much as I need to.

I want to be able to talk about my fears.
My depression.
My strange loneliness.
My jealousy.
Just everything going on.

So much has happened and things have fallen apart.

I hate myself more than ever.
I've grown distant from everyone I love.
I never know what to say anymore.
I'm much quieter than before.
I'm not the same person anymore and no one seems to see that.

I'm scared of how much I'm changing.
I don't know what to do anymore and I'm lost.
I feel the darkness that I've been trying so hard to escape from, creeping back into my life.
It's taking over again.

It's pushing me away from my friends.
My family.
My lover.
And even myself.

When I look in the mirror, I don't see myself anymore.
I see a hollow shell.
I see a shell of who I was before.
Just like the last time my demons controlled my life.

I just, need someone to talk to.
And I'm scared to talk to anyone.

It's a horrible situation I'm in and I don't know how to escape it.

Please...someone help me before I'm too far gone again...