Monolouges and Rants

Scarred for life

So story time with Melody. Warning everyone now, this is a slightly graphic story from my past that has permanently scarred me. It involves cutting and other sensitive topics. Skip this if you want but I just need to get this off my chest so it's not stuck in my head anymore.

So this happened about 3 years ago at a friend's house. It was late at night and it was just me, my friend (who I'll call Jen) and my ex. The three of us were staying the night at Jen's house and talking about random stuff.

I don't remember how the topic came up but Jen started talking about her family life and problems with her dad. The memory is fuzzy but I think it had something to do with molestation and abuse.

Now I have my own experience with molestation (which I'd rather not talk about right now) but this was something I had never heard from someone I was close to.

She told me that reading this poem she wrote about it would trigger her but she wanted me to read it. So I did and tried my best to keep her from seeing it again. All was going well until she got up and left the room.

I thought nothing of it and finished reading. While she was gone, me and my ex started talking and joking around for about 10 minutes before Jen came back.

Jen walked in crying hysterically and holding her arm away from my sight. My ex and I looked at her concerned as to what was happening when Jen showed us her arm.

Her arm had fresh cuts on it, blood dripping down her arm. The image will forever be in my head.

I jumped into action and tried to help any way I could. I gently took her arm and tried to keep her eyes off of it. I tried to help her stop crying. I did everything I could while my ex just stared at us in shock.

I finally yelled at her to open the door and help me get Jen help and she snapped out of it. We quickly get her upstairs and got Jen's mom out to help us. Her mom took her and handled the rest.

We stood at the top of the stairs in fear, not knowing what to do. Everything just replayed over and over again in my head. I was terrified.

My ex tried to get me to calm down and laugh. It only worked a bit but I was mostly still shaking in fear. I knew that would be something I'd never forget.

Now, 3 years later, occasionally I'll think about it again and have the image of her bleeding arm not leave my head.

As I type this I see all the blood again like it happened yesterday.

I'm only thankful for one thing that came from that night. Anytime I get depressed, that image comes to mind and stops me from doing anything to myself. Still, it's something that I live with and fear all the time.

I haven't seen Jen in years but in a way, I'm glad I haven't. After all of that, I learned she had done things similar as a way to get attention. So yes it's scarred me badly but it taught me how far some will go to gain attention.

If that sounds insensitive, I'm sorry but she truly did thing for the attention. Not only to me, but some of my other friends as well.

Thanks for reading (if you did). Really just had to get this off my chest.