Little anxiety

Chapter 19 - Yelling and screaming

Shay's POV

When Calum was yelling I couldn't stand it, I was yelling and Courtney was yelling. It was bringing back to many memories, I had to leave but Calum's chest was so warm and peaceful.

"I umm, I have to go" I said pulling away. I couldn't let this go any further, or someone was going to get hurt.

"what? why?" Calum asked pulling my chin up to face him. 

"I just, have to go"  I really had to get out of here, I couldn't hold on any longer. Pushing myself away from him fully this time I ran towards the back entrance and quickly walked inside in search of my friends. I was never weak like this no had seen me cry, not even the girls. 

"Shay what's wrong ?" Bethany asks as I rush towards their table, my eyes still red from crying. The others were still there with Adam, and it seemed they were having a good time, it killed me to stop it but I had to be selfish right now.

"we have to go, like right now" I demanded, pulling the to their feet and grabbing their purses. We had already packed up our music hear right after the show, so we were able to just leave. Luckily the girls saw the state I was in and didn't ask any questions for now but I knew there would be tons later. Speed walking towards the car I noticed Calum had another girl pressed up against a car and his tongue down her throat. I gulped down the tears and walked faster to the car but not before a whimper escaped my throat. He turned his head to look at me and regret and hurt was clear on his face. But I didn't care, I just needed to go.

~ Hours later at Bethany's house ~

"Shay please you have to tell us, what's going on" Bethany demanded. Bethany was trying to persuade me to talk whilst Abby was calling my mom and explaining how I was staying the night at Bethany's and Holly was having a very one sided and heated conversation with the others.

"what did Calum do to her, she has never cried before at least not in front of us and she won't tell us anything she has locked herself in the bathroom and..." Holly yelled into the phone. She was pacing the room and had spoken to Luke, Michael and now Ashton. What was I doing, she seemed furious with Ashton even though he had done nothing wrong, none of them have including Calum, well at least until the very end. Standing up I gently pushed Bethany aside, the all turned to look at me.

"Shay what are you doing?" Abby asked slowly walking towards me. I ignored her and continued to head towards Holly and the phone. I gently took the phone from Holly as Ashton was on the other line asking what was going on, in confusion. 

"hello" I said "I am sorry for Holly's behaviour she means none of it and is just doing it for me, I am sorry" I spoke quietly into the phone before hanging up. My voice sounded hoarse and the girls smiled walking over to me.

"what?" I asked, why were they acting like this.

"Shay you haven't spoken in the last four hours, we were worried shitless, you haven't even moved. The speaking I get, I always talk, like always but me not moving or doing anything shouldn't be anything new to them.

"Please Shay tell us what happened" Bethany said hugging me, she was close to tears, did I do this?

"he was yelling" I muttered stepping away from the "it was so loud and angry, it.. it brought back so memories. Bad memories. The girls knew about  my home life and what I went through as a kid, so backing away quietly they did their own thing. But I knew they were watching me closely, very closely. Talking and thinking about the situation made my heart beat faster, and faster. My breathing got heavier and the yelling and swearing surrounded me, buzzing on my head.

"Shay are you ok, talk to us" Abby said desperately, clutching my shoulders as if to wake me up.

"I'm going to have a shower" I stated, walking quickly towards the bathroom before they could get to me. I had to calm down, turning on the shower I made sure it was freezing cold. Not bothering with my clothes I just stepped in, letting the ice cold water pour down me. Finally peace.

You and I,
We're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky.
With you, I'm alive
Like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide.


So stop time right here in the moonlight,
Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes.


Without you, I feel broke.
Like I'm half of a whole.
Without you, I've got no hand to hold.
Without you, I feel torn.
Like a sail in a storm.
Without you, I'm just a sad song.
I'm just a sad song.


With you I fall.
It's like I'm leaving all my past in silhouettes up on the wall.
With you I'm a beautiful mess.
It's like we're standing hand in hand with all our fears up on the edge.


So stop time right here in the moonlight,
Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes.