Little anxiety

Chapter 21 - I had an effect on her

Shay's POV

It was all a blur, my head was pounding with noises and my legs were weak from the cold water. I could hear the girls talking in hushed voices as they greeted the 'others' in. And then there was a pounding at the door, it echoed around the bathroom and didn't stop. I tried singing to myself but nothing could drown out the noise.

"STOP IT, STOP IT STOP IT... please don't yell anymore!" I yelled, stupid tears streaming down my face. Why was this world always so angry and jealous. I heard someone say to go down stairs or something and then a bustling out the door. It was silent for a moment before I heard breathing on the other side of the door.

"who's there?" I whispered sitting against the door, and placing my ear against it to listen. 

"me" it replied, the door was making it hard for me to make out who it was but I knew for sure it was male. Seriously 'me' that's all the got.

"Can I come in?" it asked, I heard them move adjusting their position against the door. I quickly got up, turning on the shower again and jumping in. This time it was colder, and my lips started turning even more purple. 

"Knock, knock, knock" a gentle sound came from the door. I ignored it needing to calm my thoughts before talking to anyone. But then stupid thoughts started running through my head. Was Calum here? Did he come with the boys? Did he care? My thoughts were answered with a soft voice demanding to open the door, definitely Calum. Stepping out of the shower I unlocked the door and walked back to the shower.Calum must have heard the door unlock because he quickly walked in, locking the door behind him.

Calum's POV

Everybody had left to go down stairs and I was now leaning against the door begging Shay to open the door. Hearing a soft click I knew she had unlocked the door and walked away. Quickly stepping into the bathroom, I locked the door behind me and took a moment to take in my surroundings. Shay was sitting in the shower her head in her knees as the cold water washed over her. She was wearing a large T-shirt and her hair messily splayed across her face. 

"Hi" I said wanting to break the silence. What do I do now, how can I help. She looked up her eyes red and mascara smudged underneath her eyes. She was still beautiful, a complete hot mess.

"Hi" she answered her voice croaky and hoarse, from crying. SHe shivered as the water continued to cascade over her. I quickly turned the water off, helping her out of the shower, at first she was reluctant but as I reached my hand out she abided. I wrapped her in a towel and pulled her into my arms. I dont know why but I needed to be with her, be near her.

"what are doing?" she asked, pulling back from the hug to my displease.

"I'm making sure your warm" I stated not wanting her to know how much I just wanted to be with her. Agh I hate myself.

"I will be fine" she said fully pulling away from me, it was just like last night.

"NO, get back here!" I yelled tugging her hand and slamming her against my chest.

"Agh!" she squeaked, a tear once again falling down her face. She collapsed on the floor once again placing her head in her knees. "Stupid tears, stupid stupid tears" she said scratching at her face "Why am I so weak? I can't be weak" she continued to mumble to herself.

 Kneeling down with her I pulled her towards the bathtub, it was still wet from her having a shower but I didn't care. Laying her in between my legs I rested her head against my chest placing my chin on top of her head. and then she started singing, I had never heard the song before so it must have been hers but I hadn't heard it at the concert.

You and I,We're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky.

With you, I'm alive . Like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide.

So stop time right here in the moonlight,Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes.

Without you, I feel broke.Like I'm half of a whole.

Without you, I've got no hand to hold.

Without you, I feel torn.Like a sail in a storm.

Without you, I'm just a sad song.

I'm just a sad song.With you I fall.

It's like I'm leaving all my past in silhouettes up on the wall. With you I'm a beautiful mess.

It's like we're standing hand in hand with all our fears up on the edge.

So stop time right here in the moonlight,Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes.

"Is that your song?" I asked stroking her hair. When she sang the song it sent shiver down my spine and gave me goosebumps, why did it relate to me so much.

"Mmh" she answered nodding her head slightly. 

"when did you write, I didn't hear it at the concert?" I asked, intrigued at who it was about and what made her write a song like that.

"Now" she replied looking towards the floor of the bathroom. I followed her gaze and saw a small blade lying underneath the sink. I quickly grabbed her wrist looking at them but the only thing visible were the bruise I gave her last night. Checking the inside of her thighs I made sure there were no cuts or scars there either. 

Brushing my hand against her thigh, she went stiff, holding her breath. I didn't even realize where I was touching before she realised a small squeak, quickly drawing my hand away I looked the other way.

"Sorry" I said quietly. she shrugged trying to brush it off but I knew it affected her, I had an effect on her.

"why are you so confusing, guys aren't meant to be confusing, that's the girls job" she mumbled tracing the lines of my tattoos.

"Hahah well as a girl your doing a pretty good job at being confusing" I replied chuckling quietly to myself.

"I'm not confusing, I'm an open book" she stated boldly, crossing her arms. The touch of her fingers tracing my tattoos stopped and I was left with coldness and emptiness.