To Live Again: The Road to War {Lord of the Rings Fanfiction}|

11. A Lesson of Truths

"Clara? Clara, my love, are you with me?"

I register his soft voice calling to me, but my eyes are transfixed by the flames sparking about the hearth of the grand fireplace. The coal burns an almost white hot; it reminds me of the colour of my baby's fae, a strong colour, full of vigour.

"Clara...please tell me what grieves you?"

Thranduil asks again, and the pleading in his voice moves me a little, so I let my eyes slowly move away from the fire until they meet his. The silver strands out in his iris' and burn like the hot coal, and I immediately look away from the intensity of that one glance.

"I am fine," I murmur in a soft voice as I run my fingers through the dark furs that cover me. I can hear the heavy rain drum down on the earth above us. It must be a terrible day outside. I miss outside, I miss the light I see so little of it nowadays.

"How long has it been raining?" I ask quietly in an attempt to divert the tension.

"It seems like days," Thranduil replies as he outstretches his fingers to stroke my cheek. He kneels before me, watching me like I am a breakable thing. His touch is feather light on my skin, so that he doesn't disturb me. "But the weather will break, you will see. The clouds will lift and the light will return. It always does."

"Do you speak of the weather, or something else?" I sigh and drop my head into my hand. I am exhausted, so very fatigued. I cannot keep fighting with my body like this, it is tearing me apart to live this way. With the daily threat that I could lose my baby at any moment, that nothing is guaranteed.

Every time is feels like I have won, something happens; I stop being able to sense the elfling's fae, or I suffer more bleeding. This has been going on for weeks and I feel like I am losing myself. I am losing my faith in the greater powers, the ones that brought me here. If they meant me to bring life to this world, then why would they take it from me? I know this is a selfish thought, that it was through evil deeds, or maybe just unfortunate chance that I am here. Either way, it hurts so deeply, that if the unthinkable happens, I am not sure if I will fully recover from the heartbreak. I hear a strangled sob leave my lips and it startles me, I've tried so very hard not to show emotion through this, to not let the darkest thoughts of my mind take over. Suddenly, strong arms envelope me in a secure embrace, and I am drawn against his broad chest and the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat.

He quietly reassures me in a soft voice, telling me I am just weary and that this is a good thing. As long as my body still responds like it should to the burdens of a carrying an infant, then all is well. He is a good husband, I am very lucky to be blessed with an ellon capable of such emotional strength. I have seen other ellyn fall to pieces at the mere sight of their spouses struggling through illness or child birth, such thing are foreign to them. But Thranduil is older than most and he has seen so much more that I guess pain and fear are things he knows, things he can deal with. At least he does so much better than I do. I wish I could withhold the tears, but I openly weep now, because it feels like I have permission to do so. Behind closed doors, when I don't have to wear a mask of pretense, where I don't have to pretend that all is well and I that I am very positive and certain in my predications that my baby will live.

As we sit together, with me silently curled around him, the door opens and I hear Gilron speak her pleasantries as she enters our living chambers. Thranduil pulls away from our embrace and sighs heavily, eyeing Gilron with a certain amount of concern. She merely smiles warmly at the two of us and bows her head respectfully before speaking;

"His majesty sent me to remind you that you hold council this afternoon my lord."

"I know," Is his articulate reply as he returns his fretful gaze to me, as I try to push away the evidence of tears from my eyes with the back of my hand.