I Won't Let You Go (Bagginshield)

Ghosts of The Past.

Erebor was not exactly a time I wanted to remember. I would have been happy to erase that memory from my mind completely. But, as always, something from the past came back to haunt me. Though it is going to be painful to recall everything that went on, I can stay silent no longer.

When I was younger, probably around 44, I journeyed to Erebor to deliver a small parcel to the current magistrate. The magistrate was second in command to the king, and I believed it was a great honor. Normally, I wouldn't have accepted the task, but I didn't have a choice this time. Their usual runner was out in Rivendell, making runs there. So I was stuck with the job. I finally accepted when they offered to pay me 700 gold pieces, the standard runner's fee.

Anyways, so I made my long, painstaking journey to Erebor, and when I finally arrived, I was greeted very rudely. The magistrate had the guards beat me, because he didn't believe I was running a parcel to the king. When they inspected the parcel and discovered it was indeed for the king, instead of apologizing, they threw me in the deepest, darkest dungeon they had, where I stayed for many long months, all the while wondering what crime I could have possibly committed. I don't know exactly how many days I stayed there, when a young (okay, and handsome) Dwarf stopped by and noticed me in there. He didn't recognize my name or the fact that I was a Hobbit. But he came back and got me out of the dungeon, and put the magistrate in my place. It wasn't until I had left Erebor that I found out the one who had freed me was the prince Thorin.

Of course, he didn't remember me. That was many years ago, and his father was still alive at that point. But the point was, he had saved my life. And he didn't even know it. As I was dwelling on the past, I watched him from across the campsite. He was sharpening his sword, intent on what he was doing. Why didn't he remember me? Was I really that unimportant, so insignificant, that he didn't remember my face? Surely he noticed I was a Hobbit when I was sitting in that jail cell. Or, maybe not. Maybe he had just heard that I had been wrongly imprisoned and had got me out. Whatever his reasons, I was eternally grateful, and forever in his debt. I surely would have died if he hadn't taken me out of there.

I decided not to tell him. At least, not then. I wanted to wait, until the right time, to tell him all that had transpired. Surely he would remember that prisoner he broke out, so many years ago. Even if he had never learned my name or my face, the event enough was surely still vivid in his mind. Did he ever wonder where that prisoner went? What he was doing today? How he had fared after being set free? I could only hope he'd thought of me.

Because, after that event, I had thought of him. It wasn't until earlier with the trolls that I remembered Gandalf saying he was from Erebor. All this time I had been travelling with the one who had saved me, and he had no idea.

I got up from where I was sitting and walked over to Gandalf, my eyes still fixed on Thorin.

"You look lost in thought," the wizard announced.

"Oh, you know. Just ghosts of the past."

"Ah, you have those, too."

"Doesn't everyone?"

"Everyone has a past, yes. But not everyone has an event in the past that comes back to haunt them...like the memory that's haunting you, right now. It can be seen in your eyes, Bilbo Baggins. The eyes are the doorway to the soul. All of your emotions come out of your eyes."

Was that so? Quickly, I averted my eyes from Thorin to the campfire.

"What if some of us perish on this journey, Gandalf?"

"Death is a part of life, Bilbo. It's something all of us must accept, no matter how hard."

I nodded, willing to drop the subject. I just wanted to be happy, to have an adventure, but I also wanted to be able to return to the Shire with my skin intact. To return at all.

With a shake of my head, I unrolled my bed and laid down, trying to block out the ghosts that insisted on haunting me. From across the way, Thorin met my eyes, and smiled.