I Won't Let You Go (Bagginshield)

Windows To The Soul.

The next morning as I awoke, I tried to forget about my stupid little mishap last night, when I'd almost grabbed Thorin's hand. How could I have been so absentminded, so idiotic! Surely he would mention something about it, or have a good laugh at my expense. My stomach turned at the thought.

With a sigh, I turned to my belongings and began packing up. Today we would be heading to Rivendell, where the Elves lived. I was a little nervous. Some legends said that Elves could read minds, and they would be disgusted if they could read mine. I was so thankful Thorin hadn't seen my eyes last night...he might have guessed everything. Like Gandalf said, eyes were the windows to the soul. And my soul was being tortured knowing I couldn't have this love my heart clearly desired. There was no point denying it anymore.

I was in love with Thorin Oakenshield.

When I accepted that, everything became easier. I had faced the truth. I knew I would never, ever, tell anyone, especially not Thorin.

After I had packed up all of my stuff, I slowly made my way to the middle of camp, where everyone was seated, eating a special breakfast prepared by Bombur. I'm not sure what was so special about it, but I was hungry. As I began to get some stew, I noticed Thorin watching me from across the way. I pretended not to notice, but I could feel his eyes on me, and I became very nervous.

I took a seat by myself on an empty log, and Thorin finally tore his gaze away from me to bark orders at Fili and Kili. I ate quickly while he wasn't looking, and then got rid of my empty bowl. I had turned away to grab some water when a shadow fell over me. I turned to see Thorin, towering above me, but also very close. I blushed and felt heat seep up the back of my neck. Why was he so close? What did he want?

"Master Bilbo," he said, "When we begin our journey to Rivendell, you will ride beside me. This way I can keep an eye on you and make sure you don't stray off the path."

I nodded, blushing. "S-sure, if you insist."

"I do insist. See that you don't make me have to insist again." And so saying, he sat down.

Fili and Kili had watched that whole exchange with narrowed eyes, making me very uncomfortable. What did they think? What all had they seen? I was all at once so nervous, I could have just thrown up. I wanted to get away from their searching eyes, their accusing stares. So I ran.

And bumped into Gandalf.

"Bilbo Baggins, why are you so far from camp?" he asked me.

"Why are you?!" I challenged.

"I'm guarding the camp, something you don't know how to do. Why are you here? Are you taking over for me?"

I shook my head, and sat down on a nearby stump. "No...I just needed to get away. I'm tired of them silently judging me. And I know they do, so don't even try to say otherwise."

"Who is judging you?"

"Everyone! Fili and Kili especially. Everytime Thorin says something to me, they give each other these looks and then whisper stuff to each other...as if I don't exist and as if I don't know that they're talking about me."

"Bilbo, why would they be worried about what Thorin says to you?"

"He came up to me and told me to ride by him so that I didn't stray off the path....and then I saw them making a big deal about it." I was blushing, as deeply as possible, and I think I was so red that I knew Gandalf could see.

"Look at me."

I looked up with a sigh, and Gandalf looked at me searchingly. "You love him," he said simply.

"So what if I do?" I replied resignedly. "I barely admitted the truth to myself, Gandalf. How am I supposed to deal with what the others think?"

"The Elves won't like this," he mused.

"The Elves won't know!" I said adamantly. "No one will know, Gandalf, besides you and me."

"It's too late, Mr. Baggins," the wizard said. "Love is pouring clearly from your eyes. Any fool could see it. You just better hope Thorin Oakenshield is a bigger fool than you think, or he will find out the truth with one look."