I Won't Let You Go (Bagginshield)

Betrayal.

I woke up, unaware that I had fallen asleep. I turned my head and saw that Thorin was still sound asleep, his back towards me. I breathed a sigh of relief, then slipped out of the bed and hurried into the hallway, where I bumped into Fili.

"Where's Uncle?" he asked me, a suspicious note in his voice. Well, I'll be damned. What did he have to be suspicious of?

"He's still asleep, Fili. Can you please tell me where Gandalf is?"

"Last I saw, he was talking to Lady Galadriel," Fili answered. I started to walk away, but Fili said, "Hey, Bilbo?"

I turned back around. "Yes?"

"Do you love my uncle?"

My heart began to pound. "What? Where on Earth would you get an idea that absurd, Fili? Who put that in your head?"

"Well, Kili mentioned that you act really strange around him...like, you won't meet his eyes. You rarely talk to him or about him. And when you do, you act like you want to say more, but instead you hesitate and turn away."

I didn't know what to say. Part of me wanted to just admit the truth and hear the satisfaction of myself saying the words out loud, but another part of me demanded I stay quiet. I didn't know what the best course of action was, and I was at a loss for words. Fili was the next heir to the throne after Thorin. Maybe he had a right to know.

I sighed. "I don't know, to be completely honest with you. My heart is saying one thing, my head is saying another. I'm trying to come to terms with all my emotions, and while part of me is saying yes, the other part is saying no. So I can honestly say, I don't know."

Fili nodded. "I won't tell," he assured me. "I won't tell Kili either. Although he is my brother, sometimes he says things at the wrong time, and I don't want him giving away your secret."

"But y-you're okay with it?"

"Why wouldn't I be? If it makes Thorin happy, then why not? He deserves some happiness after all this sadness. If he doesn't know how you feel, Bilbo, I would tell him. I would tell him the truth so that he can reciprocate those feelings."

Without another word, he walked away.

I continued my search for Gandalf and found him in the other hallway. He looked a bit troubled and also a bit guilty. What did he have to feel guilty about? I was going to tell him all about my encounter with Fili, but before I could say a word, he started talking.

"The Elves had to know," he said.

I was confused. "Had to know what?"

"About you. They had to know about the feelings you're having. You must embrace them."

I was stunned. He'd told the Elves?! I was furious. He had betrayed me! I had given him my secret, and he'd turned around and told the Elves. I don't care if he liked Lady Galadriel, he had no right to tell her!!!

"That wasn't your secret to tell, Gandalf!" I roared. "And next time, I'll know not to trust you!"

"Bilbo, calm down! It was my place to tell them! They would have known otherwise. And you, you need to tell Thorin your feelings. It's the only way to make all of this go away. Whether or not he accepts that fact, he needs to know how you feel. It can be dangerous holding these emotions inside for too long."

"He will never know my feelings," I retorted. "Gandalf, I will never tell Thorin. He doesn't need to know."

"Know what?" the voice came from behind me. I turned slowly, only to face Thorin.

Well, shit.