I Won't Let You Go (Bagginshield)

I Hate What I've Become.

4 weeks later

Death and destruction is what had become of my life. Sauron had promised me great things, and he kept letting me know that I was living up to my potential. I had already been given many rewards, although he kept postponing the time when I received my immortality. To me that was a bit unfair, but I couldn't just run away now.  Snippets of my old life would come rushing to the surface sometimes, but I could not remember what had happened four weeks ago, when Bolg brought me here. 

I was second in command to Azog.  I commanded an army of Orcs all on my own, and they actually listened to me. Whatever I said, went. I didn't remember my old life, but I hated what I'd become. A bloodthirsty, terrible person. How could I have just betrayed everything I cared about?

But...what did I care about? I couldn't remember. I knew that a few weeks earlier I had been traveling with some friends, but I couldn't remember a thing about them. Many times I'd tried to ask Azog or Sauron, but no one would tell me who they were. I kept remembering little things here and there, but never their names, what they looked like, who they were.  My brain kept trying to make me remember, but I couldn't. What was wrong with me?

I wanted to find out about those people I had been traveling with. I wanted to find them again. When the necromancer summoned me, I was ready.

"I need you to tell me about my past, or else I can no longer work for you," I said firmly, not even flinching. The necromancer was all talk, and if he made a move, the army of Orcs were only going to listen to Azog or I. Not him.

"The past is unnecessary,"  he told me. "You need to focus on the coming war."

"I am focused!" I said. "But my mind keeps trying to reach these memories that are hidden away, and I need to find them."

"You were once traveling with a band of thirteen Dwarves. You were in love. But none of that matters now. Your memories have been erased so that you can work with us without any distractions."

In love? Thorin Oakenshield!! Like a tidal wave, my memories hit me and I staggered back. How could I have forgotten the only person that had meant the world to me? The only one I'd been trying to save? How could I have let myself forget?!

I hated what I'd become.

And I was in too deep to back out now. Maybe, just maybe, I could command this last war and demand the troops go to Erebor, and I could be reunited with Thorin. My heart skipped a beat at thoughts of him. I knew that if I commanded these Orc troops during the final battle, he would see it as the ultimate act of betrayal.

I could stay away no longer. I had to go back, I had to find him and make everything right. Time had passed, about four weeks since I'd seen him last. I wanted to run out of there, but the promise of immortality held me back for a moment. Just a moment.

I began to think, to weigh the scales, to see which option I wanted. Did I dare leave all of this behind and go find my friends? Or did I stay, become an immortal god, and fight my friends to the death?

The decision was hard. I don't know why it was so hard. The weapons, the power, everything I'd received here seemed quite trifling now, and silly. But it also felt good. I loved wielding this power, having people jump to please me when I snapped my fingers, but it wasn't the same. I wanted to see Thorin again, to go back to the way we were before. 

I turned and walked out of the room where the necromancer was, and out the doors of Moria. I blinked at the sunlight, I hadn't seen it in days. This was going to be hard.

For the first time in weeks, I stepped out into the wide world again. I let the sunlight warm my face as I closed my eyes and felt my mind clear. I was Bilbo Baggins again, just a normal Hobbit, burglar in Thorin Oakenshield's company. 

And future king under the mountain.

​​​​​​​