Our Indefinable Love

fifteen - love is failing

I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself, I had been doing too much of that recently. I needed to think like Ali, the practical one. She smells like strong coffee and reeks of sophistication and self-confidence. She would never let herself sit here and wallow in pity. Think like Ali, think like Ali, think like Ali.

And with that, I sat up straight and took a deep breath. Don't let anyone see your pain. Conceal the dark thoughts that swim continuously around in your head. Be soft, subtle and slight.

I stood up and reached for the door handle when I noticed an alarming shake in my right hand. Inhaling once again, letting all the hurt and frustration pass through my body and seep into my bones before I breathed out a loud blow, picturing myself letting it all go to fly loose around the room. My hand steadied and I opened the door to the real world.

I had the quick movements of a ninja as I darted through the halls so as to avoid the school nurse who would no doubt force me to lie back down in that claustrophobic room so I weaved through the busy crowds going from class to class to make my make my way to chemistry without any interruptions.

But the one person I forgot about was the one person who had the most to say about my sudden change of heart.

'Ah, Ella. Thank you so much for gracing us all with your presence.' Mrs Hart spoke sarcastically as soon as I entered the classroom.

'Sorry I'm late miss.' I replied quickly

'That's fine, just take a seat with your lab partner and we'll get started.' She said dismissively.

Oh yeah that's right, my lab partner. The very same lab partner who is staring at me with a stern look on his face from the back of the room.

I walked towards him before taking a seat next to him cautiously.

'Why aren't you in the sick room?' He muttered over in my direction. I know that Noah was just worried about me, but that worry was currently being masked by a thin layer of cold, icy anger.

'I'm feeling a lot better, seriously.' I replied in an attempt to chip away at the ice.

'You don't look it.' He answered sharply.

'Wow, thanks.' I coolly responded.

'Alright guys. I think I've explained the basics so you can all get cracking now.' The teacher called from the front of the room. I hoped I hadn't missed anything too important in the midst of all the drama.

Noah reached underneath the desk, grabbing out the things he needed which included a green liquid in one beaker and a clear liquid in another. He was clearly better at chemistry than me but at least I knew that we would be adding these two together in the end.

'I didn't mean it like that and you know it.' He said while crouching down on his knees looking for the Bunsen burners.

I dropped down to meet him underneath the table. 'I know that.' I replied looking at him, 'I sometimes just wish that you didn't come on so strong, you know?'

He breathed out a long sigh before reaching into the depths of the cupboard, pulling out what he had been searching for. He then stood up straight leaving me crouching alone on the floor like an idiot.

'What?' I said standing up meeting him above the desk. 'What are you thinking?' I asked searching to find an answer.

'I don't know.' He replied, turning the gas on to boil the clear liquid above the heat.

'What do you mean you don't know?' I was not going away from this without answers. Not again.

'What is it that you consider coming on too strong, Ella?' He asks finally looking in my direction. 'What about the swings, the kiss, the picnic-'

'-what about them?' I ask, interrupting him.

'It's always on your terms. Always. Don't I get a say in this?' He asks while desperately throwing his arms up in the air as if he had given up all hope.

'Look I get that you are hurting inside and it would be crazy of me to think that everything that happened with your dad wouldn't have some kind of effect on you,' He spoke softly now, painfully aware of the path he was treading on.

And as the clear liquid came to its boiling point I felt the conversation heading in the same direction.

'But I really care about you Ella,' he continued staring into my eyes, 'and I find myself worried about you all the time, like I have to protect you and look out for you.'

'Why? You don't have to look out for me, it's not like you're my boyfriend.' As soon as the words escape unwillingly from my mouth, I regret them instantly. Noah's face falls dramatically and I know that I've gone too far.

'Noah, I'm sorry. Th-that, I-I didn't mean that.' Oh God, I hope he forgives me, I can't stand losing him. Not now.

'Are you going to fix that?' He whispered softly under his breath.

'W-what?' I ask confusedly.

He pointed at the now bubbling liquid that was still on top of the heat. I quickly grabbed the tongs and placed it on the heat proof mat before looking back at him cautiously.

'What do we do now?' I asked him with an imminent worry present in my shaking voice. Noah was the one constant in my life and it scared me how dependant I had become of him over the past few days. The fact that he wouldn't even look at me sent shivers down my spine.

'I don't know.' He quietly answered, still not looking at me before taking a seat to stare out of the window.

The rising panic was now tingling throughout my whole body and I could feel my heart beating rapidly against my chest, I had to fix this. And fast.

I quickly looked around the room and everyone was finished the experiment. Since I had clearly lost my lab partner because of my stupid tongue, I had to fly this one solo. Everyone else had a purple solution in their beakers, and mine was still clear.

The only logical thing to do was to add the only other solution to it with the sheer hope that I didn't blow the school up. I grabbed the green solution and began pouring it into the other beaker. Here goes nothing.

But it didn't turn purple. The green liquid obviously had some weird reaction with the clear one and it started to thicken in consistency while still staying the sickly green colour. Slime. I had created slime.

Mrs Hart then started walking around the room to check on everyone's final product and I didn't even try to conceal my horrific failure.

'Whoa, I see you've really made a mess of things here.' She stated staring at me with a disappointed look.

I looked over at Noah who still had his body turned away from me and a melancholy expression plastered on his face.

'Tell me about it.'

*******

#noellasfirstfight :(

but what's love without the ups and downs?

This was a bit of a shorter update but I hope you still enjoyed it! Be sure to let me know what you thought in the comments!

What did you think about their argument? Who did you think was more in the wrong? Do you think they will make up? 

THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR 1K READS AHH!! When I saw this I actually nearly cried with happiness. I know for so many people this is such a small number but for me this was a REALLY big deal considering that this is my first story ever! so thank you so much for your support it means the absolute world to me!

This chapter is dedicated to:  neverlandiful - thank you so much for all the kind words and for being so friendly :) you should all go read her amazing story Optimists - it's a good one! especially if you have a weird obsession for New York much like myself hehe!

lots of love

x