Our Indefinable Love

twenty four - love is intimidating

It had been only moments after Noah had shared his hidden past and I had an endless flow of thoughts floating around in my brain. I was searching his face for some indication of emotion but all I could see was a lost boy, who was haunted by memories.

There was so much that I wanted to say, but I knew that words would fall short in attempting to heal such pain.

The only words I managed to string together were, "So what happened after that?"

I couldn't help my desperate curiosity. After all, his short story seemed to only be the beginning of the pain.

"After that, things really did take a turn for the worst. Once my parents found out they...well, mainly my mum sent Avery packing. 'How could our little girl be so reckless?' It was sickening. She lived with friends for a while but once she was heavily pregnant she decided to move away to go live with my grandparents." Noah said, becoming much more monotonous. I could tell his guard was slowly but surely raising with every passing minute.

"Wait, she went through with the pregnancy?" I asked while it dawned on me that I had not yet asked a more obvious question, "It was Will's wasn't it?"

Noah nodded slowly, "She couldn't get rid of it, she said every time the thought entered her head she pictured a mini Will running around."

"So she really did love him?" I asked, already concluding the answer.

"More than anything, that was why she had to leave. She didn't want to ruin his life." Noah replied, playing with his hands.

"But didn't he go looking for her? I mean, he was his son too." I said, while suddenly realising how I had wrongly misjudged Will Callahan.

"Ella, Will doesn't know. That's the reason he hates me so much, Avery made me tell him to stay away and he just thought I was trying to get in between them." Noah said with his head facing down as he picked at the grass.

"But why would you let him think that? You two were best friends. All it would take to salvage it is a little bit of truth." I said, pressing him.

"It's not that simple, Ella!" He replied, slightly raising his voice. I knew that he wasn't really angry at me but his tone still managed to take me by surprise.

"Do you think I like lying to him? Every time he even mentions her I can feel my blood boiling in my veins. I act like I'm angry at him but really I'm furious with myself. Because I'm the one who knows the real reason Avery left. I'm the one who gets sent pictures of a little boy with the same light brown hair and blue eyes as my...best...f-friend."

And with those words Noah had finally broken as soft sobs broke from his lips I pulled him close and embraced him tightly, catching salty tears on my left shoulder.

From the outside, Noah looks like one of those people who just have their life together. No pain, no heartaches. Nothing to tarnish the never-ending gleam and shine of the crystals of innocence. But when I held him close that day I realised that these people do not exist. Everybody has a past, something to eerily follow us wherever we walk.

I didn't know whether to feel secure or scared upon attaining this knowledge. Was it a good thing? Noah said himself that I shouldn't think I'm 'the only one who has problems'. But had this discovery just sealed my fate as someone with no hope for happiness?

"I should probably take you home. It's been a long day." Noah finally said, sitting up as though gathering himself back together.

When I stopped to think about it, I really was exhausted. I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier but now I was running purely on curiosity and adrenaline.