Author's note : Oh ayan ha .. magkasunod na UD yan .. haha .. support support din pag may time guys .. hahahaha .. :)
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MACKY's POV
"Bakit hindi mo sakanya sinabi?! What are you thinking ha?! Keep this from her forever?!" Sigaw ni Heaven.
"Stop it na Heaven" Mama said.
Matagal ng nakaalis si Vivien pero hindi pa rin ako umaalis dito sa garden.
I want to tell her. I really do. But I can't.
"But Ma look at him!! Hinahayaan niang magsuffer yung sarili nia!! Nagsusuffer sia dahil wala sa tabi nia yung taong mahal nia habang sia naghihirap ng ganito dahil sa sakit nia!! I hate him!! I hate him!!" Umiiyak na sia.
Umiyak din si Mama. I need to stay strong for them.
Niyakap ko si Heaven. "Stop crying --- I'm not suffering --- Always remember this Heaven --- Kahit ano pa mangyari sakin --- Wag mong sasabihin kay Vivien lahat --- I don't want her to worry" Hinigpitan ko yung yakap sakanya.
I don't want them to worry. But I can feel it. Hindi nako malakas tulad ng dati. Ramdam ko na habang tumatagal hindi na kinakaya ng katawan ko yung treatment na ginagawa sakin.
Kaya nga nagdecide yung family doctor namin na pabalikin ako sa US to undergo a surgery again.
That's right.
Nagpupunta ako ng US hindi para iwan si Vivien o si Heaven. Hindi para umiwas. Hindi para mag-aral.
Pumunta ako dun para ipatanggal yung tumor sa brain ko. I had a brain cancer for almost 2 years. Hindi maagang na diagnose kaya medyo malala na nung nalaman.
I came back after a year of recovering. I came back for Vivien. I came back to hold her again. I came back to love her again.
Nung time na nasa condo kami sobrang saya ko dahil nakikita at nahahawakan ko na ulit sia. Coz nung nasa US ako. I thought hindi ko na sia ulit makikita. I thought wala nakong chance para iparamdam na mahal na mahal ko sia. Pero hindi ko masabi na mahal ko sia. Hindi ko masabi na "I'm here to stay"
I can't dahil sa sakit ko naghohold back ako.
The day before nung nagpunta kami ng condo nagpacheck up ako. And guess what? My fucking tumor came back!
I thought its all over. I thought mabubuhay nako ng matagal. i thought kaya ko na sabihin sakanya na mahal na mahal ko sia. But my body. It's ruined because of that fucking tumor! My life is now gone because of it. I don't know how to live my life without Vivien again. I don't think I can do this anymore.
I thought makukuha sa chemo. Akala ko makukuha sa gamot. But they failed me. My doctor said kahit anong gawin kong pa surgery babalik at babalik sia. Nagpapa surgery nalang ako para humaba ang buhay ko. Para humaba pa yung time na makasama ko si Vivien. Yung family ko. At para humaba pa yung time na maiparamdam sakanila na mahal na mahal ko sila.
But how will I do that if kaylangan sa US pako magpa surgery?
Everyday lalong lumalala. Mas lalong bumibilis yung paglaki. Everyday pasakit ng pasakit. Everyday nagiging unbearable na yung pain. Natatakot ako na dumating yung time na hindi ko kayanin yung sakit. natatakot ako na dumating yung time na bumigay yung katawan ko.
Ok --- I'm crying. I don't know what to do anymore.
"Just please tell her --- Please!" Umiiyak pa din si Heaven.
Umiiling lang ako. Ayokong kaawaan nia ako. Ayokong magsuffer sia dahil sakin. Ayoko. She's happy now. I don't want to take away that happiness again.
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