The Skin I'm In: New Problems, Old Scars (Urban Fiction)

Chapter 15

(Kalifa)

"Wake up Kalifa..." I hear a familiar voice, it's not one that I've missed.

"KALIFA!!!" a voice yells, causing me to sit up in a panic.

I look around, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I search for that voice, but I ear nothing...

"KALIFA!" The voice was closer this time, I turned in circles, searching.

"Who is it?" I ask in a panic.

"RUN!" The voice is directly behind me and loud. I started to run, not knowing where I was going.

"What do you want?" I cried out.

"Kalifa, wake up." Ve'Quell pulled me out of my sleep. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I laid back down, cuddling under Ve'Quell's arms.

"It's ok, I love you. Get some sleep K." He kissed my lips.

When I woke up again, it was eight in the morning. I sat up on the edge of the bed, wrapping my mind around the dream I had last night. It wasn't the first time either. I think its time that I start seeing my therapist again.

I started on breakfast, waffles, eggs and sausages. It didn't take long for me to finish cooking. When I finished, took Ve'Quell his plate.

"Good morning love. Here you go." I kissed his lips until he was fully awake. He went to the bathroom to freshen up before speaking.

"Good morning, thank you so much." He kissed my cheek and we ate quietly together while watching a rerun of One on One.

After cleaning and showering, we both got dressed for the day. He had school and I was going job hunting. I was tired of sitting at home, doing nothing. I have to get some type of income started before the baby gets here.

"Alright K, have a good day, I'm sure you'll find something. Even tho, you don't need too work, but I support you." I know he was lying, he doesn't want me to work.

"Yea, stop lying." We laughed. "See you later." We shared a kiss and I pulled off, ready to start the day.

My first stop was the local diner a couple blocks from his school. Then I'll head to the mall and do a little shopping for the house.

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After filling out some applications at in the mall, I decided to go do a little window shopping for the baby.

I don't know the gender of the baby yet, nor do I care, so I'll stick with neutral colors for now. I went to the Carter's outlet to pick out a couple of outfits.

I brought five onesie's, all of them were white, a couple of shirts, socks and hats. The longer I stayed in the store, them more I wanted to buy. I knew I was getting a little over board, so I decided to leave quickly.

Wow, Kalifa James, a soon to be wife and mother. How exciting, right?

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I don't know what I want anymore,

It feels like I've lost myself,

I try to be here for him in more ways than one,

I think I ride for him way harder than I've ever done,

Even for myself,

I didn't think I would be the type to love someone unconditionally,

Love someone so much, that it's conditioned, I feel like it's a routine now

Cook, clean, sex, sleep,

Cook, clean, sex repeat...

I love every inch of this man, and that's the problem

I haven't said that I love myself yet...

What is the problem?

Do I feel worth it, yet?

Or do do I feel worthless, worthless on this world of a mess

I don't feel kept, I need to be kept...

By me, atleast, if there's nobody else,

Before anyone else, I need me...

That's the problem, I keep doubting myself

But I need me...

That's the problem, I keep doubting the fact that I am a diamond in the rough

I keep forgetting about the one thing that matters the most,

I have everyone else but I'm ignoring myself

I need me...

That's the problem,

I forgot all about me...

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I laid across from my therapist, wiping tears that continuously fell from my eyes. I'm glad I came to this session, I needed this one the most.

One thing I realized is that, I have to focus on me and find my real self before I bring a child in this world.

Poem: I Need Me Written by: KarmaJane ♡

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-KarmaJane ♡