My Life: Day by Day

September 23, 2015

The last time I made a post, it was a few days over a year ago.

I suck at updating stories.

Honestly, I wasn't sure that I was ever going to get back on this site. I had lost that passion for writing stories a while ago. I had too much stuff going on, and no matter how many promises I made to you guys and to myself I couldn't update as much as I wanted to. On my computer right now, I still have 6 or 7 unfinished stories. I just.....lost my passion.

That's how I am with everything, to be honest. I will absolutely love something for a couple months and do it constantly. It could be anything and everything; learning to play guitar, a new TV show, a new video game, puzzles. 

But then I just lose it. I don't know why, and I could never find a "trigger". I always just blamed it on school, that I had too much work and what not. But I'm not sure if that's the right answer. I still don't know the true answer.

As luck would have it though, I'm back to writing. I know I'm not that passionate about writing anymore, but perhaps I will get back into the groove? After all, I have nothing else to do. I'm starting college in a week (GO HUSKIES!) and my parents banned me from playing any games. I have nothing else to do; I can't play games, I can't go on YouTube, I can't do anything basically. So what else can I do with my time? Writing.

Writing is honestly fun in my mind. I love creating new plotlines, dreaming how the events would go as I fall asleep, continuing on with the story in the morning. Making the story is the best part. Writing it all out? Not so much. 

The bane of my existence is that I want to make my stories as realistic as possible. That means I feel the need to write out every conversation my character would have, every thought, every conceivable emotion. Whenever I skip to another day, or make the story overly unrealistic, I hate it. I have to write EVERY SINGLE THING out. But what is wrong with that is that these "filler" conversations and events are extremely boring. After all, would you read about what the main character wanted for breakfast? Probably not. You would want the main character to experience heartbreak, or go on an adventure. 

I feel like I'm just rambling. These past few days haven't been really good for me. I'm definitely not feeling hot. I feel really depressed.....but why?

My mom gets mad at me because she thinks I'm just scared or worrying about the hardships of college. I think that might play a part into it. But I don't think that is the reason.

Do any of you ever get sad for no reason? Maybe you're just reading a book, or playing a game, scrolling through Facebook, whatever. You could be looking at something totally innocent; a puppy, or a bag of Cheetos. Nothing about what you're doing right now should make you sad.

But suddenly it's like somebody turned a switch off on you. You just plummet into these sad feelings, with no idea how they got there. You can't turn it back on. That book you were just reading? Suddenly the plot isn't interesting anymore. The game you were playing? Suddenly you don't want to pass the level anymore, or you don't care. The news on Facebook don't matter. You just....feel nothing.

Times like this, I just want to feel nothing. I don't want to see, to think, to hear, to feel. I just want to lie down with nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

Even writing this all out doesn't do anything. I don't feel worse or better. I feel so....average right now. I don't know a better word. 

I don't think I should continue right now. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better. I'm going to go continue writing on my unfinished stories. God knows that you all want some....I want some too.