My Life: Day by Day

August 13, 2013

Dear Diary,

MAY OUR HEARTS BE FULL LIKE OUR DRINKS TONIGHT!

MAY WE SING AND DANCE TILL WE LOSE OUR MINDS!

WE ARE ONLY YOUNG IF WE SEIZE THE NIGHT!

TONIGHT WE OWN THE NIGHT!

sorry, this song has been on repeat ever since it came out and OMGEEZLES BEST SONG EVER!

i'm going to get the songs mixed up...like seriously.

Anyway, what was I going to talk about? Oh yeah.

MY SUMMER SUCKED!!! NOT EVEN!

First, all my friends are gone. Singer and Magikarp moved to California, and Babe will never pick up her phone.....plus, she's not even going to my school next year, so....yeah

As you guys know, Magikarp and Babe were my only friends last school year. So next year, I'm going to be alone....ALONE...such a sad word.

Then, of course, my dad blocked all the cool websites that I go on! Like Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, everything! He only JUST unblocked Youtube, although i don't know why, because it's always the first thign he blocks...I should be so lucky.

The only thing I have been able to do all summer is homework, run, clean, and write. The writing part isn't bad...except for some strange reason, my mind went on writer's block, for all my stories. I'm just extremely happy I wrote Stand Up beforehand, because right now I have no inspiration. It's like my imagination just died. Nothing is fun for me anymore.

Basically, my summer sucked. I can do nothing, I've done nothing, and I'm basically been wasting away.

I feel numb right now. The only thing keeping me going is singing and music.

Speaking of singing....

I don't know if I mentioned this before, probably have, but my dream is to be a singer. A famous singer (like I said before, attention whore, right here).

I'm debating right now where I should make a Youtube channel. I really want to, and showcase my music. Get some subscribers, people who love my singing, or at least appreciate it.

The thing is, I have a really stupid idea for it that people might think is fake. I don't want to show my face, because I'm i'm fugly XD So my idea is to hide my eyes, so people can't recognize me. I'll also be going by a fake name, and not tell anybody my channel name. That way they can't automatically think "Oh, she's good!" I want them to just stumble across me and be like, "hey, she's good!" or "dude, she sucks". Also (and this seems really cheesy) I only want ot sing inspirational songs, songs that might mean something to someone through the lyrics. Like, I said, really cheesy, but I want to make people feel better. Singing all those cheesy love songs, or songs about $ex, or drugs, or whatever, yeah, they might be catchy, but it doesn't send a good message. I already have a list of songs I should sing, like 'Beautiful' by Christina Aguilera or 'People Like Us' by Kelly Clarkson. But I"m afraid people will think I'm a joke, or I'm insecure (not saying that I'm not :P) or something like that.

The other thing is.....I will be extrememly embarrassed if my singing sucks. I mean, of course I'll get haters. Everybody gets haters at some point (I'm still waiting for that on Wattpad....I'm lucky about that), but if EVERYBODY hates my singing...that must mean I'm bad. And everybody I know says my singing is bad! But strangers say my singing is good? That's why I'm so confused.

Diary, what do you think I should do? I don't know, you can't tell me, unless you pull a Tom Riddle and somehow tell me. I don't know. I'm very confused. I'll probably end up doing it...the problem is if my father will upload for me. Because under his rules, I can't make a Youtube channel, HE has to make it and upload stuff for me.....overprotective parents.

I want to sing. I want to sing so bad, it's not even funny. But I'll probably never be able to. I'll try as hard as I can, but I can't. Because of this, and that, and whatever. There will always be a reason.

Why can't I be like Harry Styles, or Perrie Edwards, or Wesley Stromberg, or Camilla Cabello? What makes them so special that they win competitions like that?

What makes singers like Ed Sheeran or Taylor Swift or P!nk famous? Were they just lucky to score a record deal?

What makes bands like Maroon 5 or The Wanted so popular? Did they have good connections? Good looks? Something more?

Why are people like Jason Chen or Tyler Ward so famous on Youtube? Is it because they have years of experience? Are they friends with people with other famous channels?

Yes, I know you might be thinking- it's because they're amazing singers! But take a look around Youtube. There are THOUSANDS of amazing singers on Youtube! Not all of them are particularly good, but a lot of them are! And a bunch of them are really pretty or handsome too! And a lot of them are aspiring singers!

So what makes them different than the famous? They are from the same mold, but only a chosen few get famous. Why? Why those chosen few? Why not someone else? Why not everyone?

Why can't everybody have what they want?

Why can't everybody be a doctor, or a model, or a rockstar, or a movie director? Why do we have to work so hard for something that will never happen?

I see so many hopefuls on TV competitions. So many hopefuls on Youtube. Hell, I see so many hopefuls on the street!

It's not fair.

Life isn't fair.

On that depressing note, I have to go to sleep. So yeah, I'll talk to you later, whenever, somtime.

Hope you can get lucky someday. Hopefully I can do.

Wishing for the impossible,

L