My Life: Day by Day

September 2-4, 2013

September 2

Dear Diary,

School starts soon, in 2 days. September 4th, the day I voluntarily walk into hell. I probably have the same troubles as everybody else does. All the homework I'm going to have to do, especially since I'm doing advanced classes. The teachers, will they be mean and strict or nice and fun? The disgusting lunch food that's worth 5 times more than it's actually worth. Whether you'll have any friends in your class, or at least in your lunch.

That's what I'm worried about. No, that's what I'm SCARED about.

I'm pretty sure I've talked about how all my friends have left me. Babe is going to another school, Magikarp and Singer moving to California. The only people I really hung out with last year were Babe and Magikarp, and Singer was the only link I had to my old group of friends. Basically, I'm alone.

You guys probably think I'm exaggerating, that I must have one friend somewhere. Well, I do have some people that I talk to, and I might even have lunch with them. But are they friends I would confide in? Friends that I would invite over to my house? No, not really.

I wish I did have friends. There are people that I would love to be friends with. There are people that I could be friends with.

But they're never in my classes. Or they're friends with people I can't stand. Or they just can't stand me.

I wish I could make friends, and of course I can make friends. But at this point, you can't. At least, that's in my book. I'm a junior, and by this time everybody already has their friends, their cliques. Most people don't really make new friends at this point. The only people that do are the new people or the total loners.

Everybody thinks i'm just being stupid, and you can make friends. But seroiusly, you can't. What are you going to do, go up to a random person and be like "I want to be your friend!"

No, obviously. That's just stupid. And how about friends in class? You sit next to them for a month or two, adn yeah you might consider yourself friends........until you move seats. Then what are the chances that you'll talk to them again? Probably next to nothing. Why? Because they'll be too busy talking to their own friends, the ones they already made.

I've been friends with pretty much everybody in my school at one point, whether it be from elementary, middle, or the beginning of high school. Of course, at some point I also lost them. Usually it's from moving schools, or having different classes. But the point is they're not my friends anymore. I try to talk to them and go out sometime, but they don't respond, or just brush me off. They don't want to be friends anymore.

This is where everybody says "Well, if they left you than they're not your real friends."

But then where do I get a real friend? There's nobody to be friends with in the first place, let alone real friends.

Honestly, I'm just praying that somebody new moves in this year, so I can at least TRY and make new friends.

But really, I'm scared I'm going to be alone. Have no friends, nobody to talk to, just endure hell alone.

I guess one of the only things i'm grateful for is the advanced program I am in. The program is called IB, or international baccalaureate. From what everybody tells me, the IB groups is very tight knit, and everybody is friends. That's what I'm hoping for, but honestl nobody really likes me, so I don't think I'll be friends...I'll be the one loner in the program. Great.

September 4

Dear Diary,

Huh, never actually finished my last entry.....meh, I'll just add on :)