My Life: Day by Day

June 6, 2013

Dear Diary,

Today.....my heart was broken. And no, it wasn't by a boy. It was a girl. But no, it wasn't a love interest, though I do love her. My friend broke my heart.

Although, I guess we aren't friends (sortof) but I wish we were.

She's a girl I met on Wattpad, let's call her Rachel. Rachel, like I said, was a girl I met on Wattpad. I don't really remember how I came across  her stories (me and my stupid memory). But I immediately fell in love with them. They were fanfics, all of them about Larry Stylinson. They were dark, and full of struggle. And I absolutely loved them. They were written amazingly, give or take a few grammar mistakes (but who doesn't make those? I reread my posted stories and I'm like...how did I not catch that? XD), and the plot always kept me hanging. Usually when I find a new author, I like one, maybe 2 of their books. But with Rachel, I loved every single one of them. They weren't your typical Larry love stories. They were each different, sometimes strange, but always amazing.

Again, I don't really remember how I started talking to Rachel. But I did. We started out with tentative messaging. You know, the basics. Hi, how are you? Watcha doing? What's your favorite color? Favorite music? Stuff like that. But even with mindless chatter like that, I could already tell she was an amazing person. We were so alike, yet different. Our personalities were so different. She was blunt and sarcastic. I was more free and flighty. She was obsessed with cosplay. I was obsessed with One Direction. She was in love with Larry, and Louis. I have a thing for Liam and Zayn.

And yet, we both had common interests. We liked a ton of the same songs. We both had a passion for writing, and connected over it. We liked a couple of the same games. But there was one similarity that stood out between us.

We were both broken. We both had our problems, problems that are definitely not public appropriate. But we managed to help each other through them. At least, she helped me with mine. I tried to help as best as I could, but there's only so much you can do from behind a computer screen.

I wished every time that I could just magically transport over to where she was, and help her in anyway I can. Because she was worth it.

She's one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She helps people, talking them out of suicide, helping them with her eating disorders. She helps animals and she's a vegetarian (which is pretty freaking amazayn, cuz meat in my op is AMAZAYN!!!) This is a shot, pathetic list compared to all good thigns she does in the world. I'm going to get all poetic and cheesy here- in this dark, greedy world she was an angel sent from God to balance out the evil.....XD wow that was definitely gag-worthy..and yet it's all true. She's an amazing person.

Over these past few...months? Weeks? God, I don't even remember when I first talked to her oO Honestly, it seems like forever. But I got to know her so well, and I grew to love her. Like I said, not in that way. As a friend. A really really good friend. I don't have many close friends in my real life, so having her was amazing, even if it was on the internet. And me being stupid me, I thought she thought the same.

Seems I was wrong. Again.

I don't know if it was just her, or if it was her problems, or I don't even know what the hell what. But there were times she would push me away. Say she hated me, say that I was useless, I couldn't help her or her books, things like that. She was always a bit blunt, so I just wrote it off as her having a mood, or something like that.

Then last night. She was freaking out because she wrote a prologue for a new fanfic she wanted to post, but in her opinion it sucked. Usually when I read these chapters, they don't suck at all, so I tried to calm her down and tell her that. Because honestly, she's an amazing writer. She just needs more confidence in it. I looked over her chapter, and as always it was good. So I gave her some compliments, a few constructive criticism remarks, all of it my own personal opinon and full honesty.