Numb. || mgc

Chapter 2

(AUTHORS NOTE)

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

Isn't it pathetic how we waste so much time on certain people and in the end they prove that they weren't even worth a second of it? Isn't it funny how the people who said 'I'll never hurt you' are the ones who hurt you the most?

I can't believe I trusted him. I start scratching my arms uncontrollably. You asked for it, you slut. "Stop!" I scream. We're not leaving. "Just get away!" Do it. Grab the blade. I couldn't control myself. Everyone wants you dead. They all hate you. Even that Michael guy. I begin to cry and dig my nails into my palms.

Do it! "No!" I scream in between sobs. I'm crying more violently and shaking. "Help!" I try to scream, but I feel like im drowning. Just get it over with. You bitch. You're a disappointment. I shakily stand up from my position on the floor, AND walk over to the bathroom. I can't do it. But sweetie, you can. And you will. I needed the voices to stop.

I needed everything to stop. I couldn't bring myself to swallowing pills or actually committing. But I needed relief. Running my fingers over the wooden drawer, and slowly pulling it open, revealing the thing I was looking for. I pulled out the thin metal object and pulled up me sleeve. I was crying harder now, if that was even possible. Are you scared? No one will care anyway. "Stop it! Get out of my head! I hate you!" I started pulling at my hair, but then remembered what I was here for.

I took one last look at the faded silver scars, and closed my eyes, just letting the tears pour out. It's now or never. Sighing, as the cold touched my skin. Slicing it in half, watching the waterfall of red pour out. Dragging the blade across my wrist a few more times, feeling relieved enough and satisfied at my work.

I'm a murderer. I'm a monster. I killed a girl. A girl who used to be happy. I took that away from her. I drew pretty pictures, with a blade, on her wrist. I killed the girl who had a heart that was full and unbroken. I killed that innocent, happy girl, who believed that her dreams would come true. That girl was me. I had killed her. She is no longer that perfect child, she is insane.

I am numb. No feeling. No thoughts. The screams inside my head are quieting down as the cutting satisfied them. It's like a drug. Once you cut once, it's almost impossible to stop. I crave the numbness. I crave to see the beautiful red liquid contrasting to my pale skin. Numb.

I know I'll regret this tomorrow, but it's my relief, the only way for me to feel better. I quickly clean up my mess, and kiss my blades goodnight and hide them away. I clean my fresh cuts with hydrogen peroxide to take any bacteria out and so it'll heal faster.

I finished my homework earlier, so I decided to go to sleep earlier than usual. I changed into sweatpants and a loose shirt and checked my phone. Nothing. I lock my phone and crawl into bed.

After about an hour of staring at the ceiling, I thought about Michael. The way his stupid red fringe falls in his face. His beautiful green eyes that light up when he smiles. His smile. He is so beautiful. Shit. Why am I even thinking about this? I just want to be good friends. Besides, he won't like you anyways. I sighed, and shut my eyes and fell asleep within minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up suddenly, to my phone alarm going off. Ah crap. It's only my second day of school and I'm dreading it. Michael will probably forget about me, everyone does. He was probably feeling sorry for me yesterday.