Numb. || mgc

Chapter 14

Michael's P.O.V

No surprise, but Calum, Luke, and Ashton left me and Cassie alone the next morning.

She was still asleep, so I untangled myself from her grasp and went into the kitchen to have a bowl of cereal.

Minutes after I sat down and began to pour the cereal in the bowl, Cassie came in and grabbed herself a bowl and say down next to me.

Her purple hair was a mess, and she had no makeup on, and she took her lip piercing out. Fuck, she's gorgeous. I sighed. She would never like me again.

I got taken away from my thoughts when I felt her eyes on me. "God dammit, Cassie. I miss you so fucking much but I know that you're fine without me and I just wish I was too." I sighed and shoved a spoonful of Cheerios in my mouth.

"That's what you think?" She asked. She looked hurt, but didn't say anything more.

"Yeah, yeah it is. I lied. I said that I didn't like you, but I love you. I fucking love you and you don't give a shit. You chose Calum." I took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. I didn't want to raise my voice.

"We walked about it. I know that he told you, too. It was a mistake."

"I just don't know anymore. Maybe loving you was a mistake. I fucking gave you everything." I said in a calm voice. "Picture it this way- I gave you ten dollars. Calum gave you twenty. You thought he was better because he gave you more money. But he had two hundred dollars, and I only had ten."

She nodded. "Yeah, I get it. I just didn't feel good enough."

I laughed. "It sucks, doesn't it? To feel like you're not good enough. That's how I feel every day."

She took another spoonful of cereal. "I didn't stop loving you. I just decided to stop showing it." She got quiet.

"Cassie. You were never supposed to mean this much to me. We were just supposed to be best friends who acted like a couple. I was never supposed to fall so hard. Right when I bumped I to you in the hallway, I knew I would fall in love with you. And I did. But you know what? I fell for you, and that's what's keeping me holding on. Because it hurts like hell to let you go."

"Then don't." She smiled up at me.

I knew I shouldn't do it, but I placed my hand on her cheek and leaned forward. She closed her eyes, and so did I. She soon closed the gap between us and I melted into the kiss.

I missed her soft lips against mine. This is only our second kiss, but I felt fireworks. I hoped she felt them too. I mean, she was my first kiss after all.

Yeah, I'm a fucking 18 year old guy who hasn't kissed anyone. Or had a girlfriend. Lame as fuck, I know.

She pulled away, although the kiss was only for a few seconds it felt like hours. She smiled at me and I smiled back.

But then she frowned. "I'm sorry, Mikey." She started to cry. "I messed up. I'm just really fucking scared because everyone that said they'll be here for me left."

"But you left me..." I trailed off. "And you promised you'd never let go." I started crying now.

I searched her eyes for a moment, and I saw love. Hope. She was begging for forgiveness even though she knew it might not be right. She was sorry. Truly sorry.

I pulled her close and hugged her. "I'm sorry." She said in between sniffles. "I just don't know. Whatever happens with us, you'll still remember. How I was a bitch to you. I let you fall.... and you saved me.... bit I just let you down." She started crying harder. "I don't fucking know anymore Michael. How can you live with knowing you saved someone, but knowing that they are killing you? Like, I've just made you worse when you were making me better."

I hugged her tighter. "It's okay, Cass. I love you. But I think we should start as friends again. Deal?" I looked into her eyes waiting for a response.

She started crying even harder, if that was even possible. She hugged me tighter and nodded.

We stayed like that all morning. We then wanted to watch Frozen to we got popcorn and sat on the couch. She looked at me, probably to see if it was okay to cuddle, and I nodded and smiled.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and she put her head on my chest. God. I don't know what I'm going to do.....

I mean, I still really love her and I want her to be mine but... I don't know if I can forget what she did. Forgiving is easy.. but I'm not sure if I can be with her after all she's put me through...

~~~~~~~~~~

Cassie's P.O.V

I missed everything. Cuddling with Michael. Kissing Michael. I felt fireworks.

I don't know how we're going to do this. I mean, we're starting over. As friends. And I'm glad that we're doing it this way. A fresh start. Black canvas.

I'm just not sure how he's taking all of this. If he did something like that to me, I don't think I could forgive him. But after what I put him through, he forgave me.

He must feel horrible. To know that someone you love can hurt you so much. I guess I know how it feels.

Someday I would tell Michael what happened, but not today. Not anytime soon, anyways. I didn't really know how to tell him and I didn't know how he would react. I'm actually really scared to see his reaction.

No one knows, not even my mum. It scares the shit out of me to know he he's still out there. I want to tell Mike. But I just don't know how he will take it.

He probably noticed me not paying attention to the movie, as he looked over at me. "Are you okay? You look like you want to talk about something." He rubbed my arm and gave a half smile.

"Um yeah. I'm fine." I said reassuringly.

"You're scared of how I'll react, aren't you?" He said and I nodded and looked away. "You can trust me, Cass. And I won't ever hurt you. Or betray you. Please, talk to me if it's bothering you." He was concerned.

He won't ever hurt me. Or betray me. But what did I do to him? I hurt him. I betrayed him. He can't trust me.

But I know I can still trust him. Maybe I should tell him...

I sighed. "There's this guy." I could feel him tense up. "His name is Jake."

(AUTHORS NOTE)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA cliff hanger (plz dnt kill me). So this book is WAYYY different than I wanted it to be. But I really like it now. I'm glad it changed. Because most fanfics are about the guy hurting the girl. But no one writes about the girl, hurting the guy. This book means so much to me. I mean, it's really personal (the depression and anxiety and stuff) but of course I've elaborated so this isn't AT ALL anything to do with my life. I just get ideas.

So please follow my instagram @/mikeys.side.hoe :)

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