My First Journal

9/28/15: Sweet Monday

Schools back in session which means more shit. The weekend was relaxing but were back. I'm a little sad because Tamara switched out her lunch period with me for AP Lit. I mean it's vital for her education and I'm encouraging her to do it but this was the first time I wasn't having lunch alone

My attraction to Julian is less and less. He just seems like an asshole delinquent which of course is a turn on but I mean what else is there for him. The sex would be awesome but I'm scared i would develop feelings for me. If he wanted me more he'd make more of an effort and the ay he throws girls away like Kat and the other one shows sex isn't that important to him and he doesn't care. I want to have sex because I want his full attention even for like thirty minutes or whatever but it doesn't seem achievable. The weird thing is it's only September. God fucking knows whats yet to come.

Hannah is officially an outcast. People laugh when she speaks. She's been exiled to the losers table. She can't even face Tamara and I. She is no one. Also it was confirmed by Lance she was drunk last Friday in class. She gets drunk in the bathroom with Melanie. Like why the fuck would you do that? What's the fucking point?

She couldn't even face anyone in gym so she left. She's this lonely soul and a shell of who she once was. The girl who had everything, she had Alex, friends with Sophie and Lance and an entire squad is near to nothing and it's so bad she talks to the people she once tormented. I'm still scared she'll die.

I told Tamara she can't talk to me about Malcolm anymore. She told him yesterday she can't be exclusive with him even though he's begging her to be his girlfriend. She doesn't love him and I know it.

I prepare for my date with with V. He texted me at the salon and we talked for a bit. I can tel he's inexperienced for girls and excited about our date. I am too. I think i'll like him a lot and hopefully he'll think I'm pretty. I've been thinking about outfit. Something alternative and a hint of slutty. Maybe things will work out and he'll be my boyfriend and we will kiss to good space rock and he'll invite me backstage to watch his band play and he'll write songs about me. Maybe I'm too much of a romantic. If Julian wanted to fuck me while we weren't exclusive I would. He'd probably be mad spending on who he is and what he believes in.

Goodbye and I'll see you soon.