My last twenty four hours of being a virigin has started. I'm two hours in. I know I'll probably loose my virginity tomorrow so here's an account. A real life account. I'm not going to overthink it. I read a lot the past week and virginity does not equal pure or good. having sex does not mean bad and slut and cheap. Sex is just sex, it's not something to over analysis. I'm not going to die sad because I had sex with someone I wasn't totally in love with. I don't have very romantic feelings for him. but however I know I love the way he makes me feel. I'm not addicted to it. I like it occasionally. Humans in general need sex and a physical relationship. It keeps me happy and healthy once a week to just stop thinking about everything a kiss a cute boy in his bed and have an orgasm and when I'm naked around him i don't feel insecure and embarrassed. I feel comfortable and sexy. That's how I know I can fuck him because I feel that way. I thought about my orgasms a lot and if sex can give me that why not. It's connection and joy.
I'll eventually fuck someone if not tomorrow and I probably won't stay with them and I'm not doing this to get in over with I'm doing this because I want to and it's inevitable. I'm being mature. I like the idea of sex. I want it.
By having sex i'll be saying goodbye to my childhood. I'll be kissing the last drop of my childhood innocence away. It's exciting and depressing but i'll have enjoyed all the adult secret delights. Being drunk, being high and fucking. Sex, the last great unknown left to conquer. Besides being in love i'll have felt it all and now there won't be anything i'll not know that's weird about being an adult. It'll be an ending and a beginning.
Sex probably won't change me. I'll probably be the same person I was. I'm not scared. I'm alright. Virginity doesn't exist but sex certainly does.
YOU ARE READING
My First Journal
Non-FictionALL THINGS THAT HAPPENED ARE REAL. THIS IS NOT FICTION. A diary documenting my final year of high school. Recently life has become this very strange television like reality for me. I went from invisible to involved. This is an entirely true account...
