My First Journal

10/20/15: Sneak

So Tamara and I patched things up. It was awkward during the day but by the time we got on the train we were back to normal and I went over and we talked it out and had a good time. She asked me everything I did with Lucius, I told her it would only hurt her feelings. She said I had to so I did and she got upset (no surprise). She said "How could you do that knowing he's my ex?" Okay, but when I was touching his dick I wasn't thinking about you.

Lucius texted me again asking me if he could see me this weekend. I told his Tamara had blown up over the thing. In truth, although I didn't tell him that she cut herself over us. He said he deleted hr of all social media and didn't realize how crazy she was. He asked why I was still friends with her after I said everyone in school thought I was a slut. I told her I still cared but it's hard.

Today I told Lucius he could come over Friday night because my parents said they were going out. They got suspicious when they were asking times but Lucius advised me to make something up and it worked. The time frame was short but Lucius said he'd be there. My big fear is that we'll be caught. My parents would be mad but also not. I think they'd be mad that I lied not that I was literally giving a white boy a handy.

Also he expects me to give him a hand job and I think he'll try and finger me. I have to get it over eventually but I'm nervous. What if I'm really bad at it or what if it takes a while to cum and my hand gets tried? What if he cuts on my sheets and I can't get it out? Whatever, this is the teenage life. It's sex, drugs, and rock n roll! I've don't the drugs and the rock but this had to be my transformation to sex god sneaking around behind my best friend's and parent's back like a TV show. Why is life like TV now?