I got a different view of the world last night.
So yesterday I met up with my friend Ginger to buy a halloween costume and we had a really good time. We ate pizza and laughed and went to all these halloween stores to try and find a sexy nun outfit for me. I bought a regular nun outfit I might alter.
Ginger had some weed on her so we went behind my old middle school and smoked and I felt shamefully cool. That's who I wanted to be back then, a cool kid. I was finally living it. We laughed and I snap chatted it and I saw Lucius viewed all of them.cIt made me happy because I remember that game my old crush and I would play about viewing. No games. I love it.
I met up with two more friends and I told them about Lucius and how we'll probably fuck next week. Two of my friends weren't virgins so one told me about her tips for her first time and it seemed awful and super painful. Ouch, I might just stay a virgin forever. I told them about how Lucius begged for sex and I could se how weird they they got about him and how they didn't like him ad it made me feel embarrassed.
I left to go see Tamara and she broke up with Malcolm on Friday. Part of it was about me which sucked and she read the messages and Malcolm thinks I'm a crappy friend. I guess I am. I was fooling around with him that day anyway.
She told me about Amy. All I knew was May didn't like me much but I learned a lot about her. Tamara was telling me how possessive her boyfriend was and how he doesn't let people post pictures of her and hang out with her guy friends. I was disgusted by this but I learned more.
Amy is a tragic beauty. She has been ruined by the lust and cruelty of men. Years ago she was drugged and raped by a boy for an entire summer. Then a few months ago a boy in our film class pushed her up against a wall and groped her. A boy I sit next too, spoke to, see everyday. Molested her. And the even worse part is that when people were called about it most of her friends testified against her and in favor of the boy. In favor! Including her two best friends! I started to cry hearing about this. Poor Amy is so absurd and torn up she doesn't know what's good and bad and who's good or bad anymore and she's living in the shitty, ugly old world while I prosper. I have a good life and why does she have a bad one (she also has an alcoholic father!) Why am I so lucky? Life is unfair and unjust. Humans are selfish. Humans are shit.
Tamara and I went to a diner,had a good conversation and I went home. I read a lot of articles about loosing my virginity and if I'm being realistic I'll probably loose it next week. But what if he throws me away after? What am I to him?
YOU ARE READING
My First Journal
Non-FictionALL THINGS THAT HAPPENED ARE REAL. THIS IS NOT FICTION. A diary documenting my final year of high school. Recently life has become this very strange television like reality for me. I went from invisible to involved. This is an entirely true account...
