My First Journal

12/9/15: Catholic Boy

So I'm in the inner circle? Isn't that weird? I have no beef with anyone. Literally no one. I'm the true neutral. People don't see me as awkward nobody anymore. I'm someone who people talk to, respect even. I'm considered attractive.

Tamara know I'm trying to avoid her. She meager me on Facebook and tried to talk to me about it multiple times. She picked up quickly. I told her I didn't know what she was talking about but I am trying to keep my distance.

Lance is like my best friend right now. I'm the only person he hangs out with anymore. He hates Hannah and Sarah now. He leaves me for Sarah everyday. He goes and sits down next to me, talks to me. During the gym pacer he ran down and let Sarah to cheer me on and played music for me in front of the whole gym class. He takes the train with me. He asked me if I was going to the  Hanukkah party and would only go if I went. I remember dreaming about this in sophomore year. Life is strange.

Tamara gets jealous. She sometime gets weird when we joke around and when she found out I texted him she asked me how much and got really quiet. Watch her confront me about it.

The trip is tomorrow and I was excited because Alex, Sarah and Hannah were all going to be on the same bus and I couldn't wait. Hannah and Sarah beef is so amazing. The other day Sarah said that she heard Hannah thought her and Alex broke up so she stated screaming at her in class and Hannah just aground it, unfazed. She screamed "stupid bitch, i'm going to fight her." Even Lance thought she was overreacting and it turns out Hannah and Lance make fun of Sarah all the time. Lance calls Sarah "Negative Nancy". He really hates her now.

Sarah couldn't go on the trip bus she said Alex couldn't go and Alex is actually following her. She thought that Hannah would harass him. She portably wouldn't though. Hannah is pretty much over Alex. Sarah and Alex are going to Canada in a few weeks.

Julian totally ignores me now. Everyday I se him smoke in front of the Mexican restaurant but he gores me.

Also remember that boy form my Spanish class. I don't remember his pen name but we hung out during lunch and he told me about how Catholic he was and he didn't believe in abortion. Then we read online confessions. He's a bit of a flirt with everyone. Today I thought he was flirting hard. We were tackling each other and touching and saying suggestive stuff. I call him Papi/daddy as  nickname. I took off my sweater and he saw my cleavage and since he's religious, made a big deal and said "you don't have to strip for me." but he kept looking at my tits all the time. I want to seduce and corrupt him so badly. Is it possible?

Maybe I like the idea of seduction, flirting, leading on, sexual tension more then relationships. I remember how fun it is. I had it with his boy in middle school and then I had it with the boy over the summer and it kept me so happy and young. I've never been in a relationship so one day i'll try it out but in my head it doesn't seem so good. The tension leading up seems better.