Today was quiet. I don't know if I can expect everyday to be some drama filled crazed teen sex party though I'd like to imagine. Today was simple. But it's nice to get along with everyone for once in my life. It really is.
I think the boy who sits next to me Luke has a bit of a crush on me. It's nice. He's okay. Kind of cute. He makes Spanish bearable. He's blond and super preppy. But I focus mostly on Julian. Everyday when I laugh at his joke or something he laughs and looks right at me. Those fucking blue eyes. Shit. I want to fuck him. I heard him talking to his friend and they had a ton of weed today so I asked Tamara if we could hang out with them today. She said no. We had Jew Club anyway with Lance.
I lost my favorite denim jacket in school today. I need to get that back today. I think I lost it during Jew Club. I went with Lance and Tamara. Lance and I are getting close and he's a really funny, nice person. If he puts his guard down and you get past his enormous ego he's the type of person you can tell anything to. He also hates Malcolm and agrees with me on stuff. We took the train today and it was nice because he would watch to make sure I laughed at the video he showed me. We talked the whole ride about Webkinz and Club Penguin. I want him to be my good friend. I think he might consider me a friend now. We act like friends. Sort of. I never expected us to be friends. The first time I met him he made fun of me for spitting my gum weird. Now were friends. I used to fear this kid, that's what I always say about the future. You never know what's going to fucking happen.
I was listenig to a song from the Rocky Horror Picture Show called Don't Dream It. The lyrics are "Don't dream it, be it." And I was like holy shit I need to be it. Where do I want t be in six years or so? In my little white painted apartment with my dog Thermos and my son Alec. Yes, I have a kid with Jack in this fantasy. Or whatever rock star I fall in love with. I'm wearing my hair the way I always wanted and my clothes and I danced to Something by the Beatles at my wedding. And now my son is learning to speak and I have money and Jack is on tour and I'm doing my drawings and life is at ease. It's sort of unrealistic but who says this can't be my reality? I mean in the future someone's got to do it.
But then in my English class we were reading Hamlet and Hamlet explains that nothing comes about planning. Nothing gets done. Once you stand back and let things happen naturally your destiny will be revealed and be inevitable. So what do I do? Work for my goals or let it play out the way it's suppose to?
I really don't fucking know but I'll find out. I hope one day 25 year old Isabelle is reading this and laughing because life turned out this way or it didn't and it's something completely different.
Well hello future Isabelle, how are you?
YOU ARE READING
My First Journal
Non-FictionALL THINGS THAT HAPPENED ARE REAL. THIS IS NOT FICTION. A diary documenting my final year of high school. Recently life has become this very strange television like reality for me. I went from invisible to involved. This is an entirely true account...
